7 years ago, I performed my first wedding.  6 years ago, I performed my first Bat Mitzvah.  Today, I am so proud to announce the official launch of “Shema Koleinu“, our non-profit synagogue-like organization that provides outreach to South Florida’s Jewish and Interfaith/Intercultural unaffiliated community.  After several years of providing quality, meaningful life cycles for families who do not belong to synagogues, I wanted to do more.  I wanted to mean more.  I knew, that in order to truly be “My Personal Cantor”, I must provide everything a true synagogue did, but was committed to eliminating the membership, dues, and business aspect of the synagogue.

It was not only critical to provide meaningful life cycles, it was critical to bring my community a place of belonging, a place they could call their community, and feel great about building. We can create community by action, not by dollars.  We can create community through mitzvah projects and group prayer, and not need to pay electric bills to do it!

But yet, we must build.  Bringing my community an amazing High Holy Day worship experience was my priority this year, and I’m so excited to announce that I have contracted with the Miramar Cultural Center, to bring West Broward its first meaningful, uplifting, and spiritually abundant High Holy Day services for the unaffiliated.  Regardless of your affiliation – or not – you can now worship and honor the new year with us, in a beautiful setting, with meaningful prayer and leadership.  Our services will be family-friendly, so bring your children!  And – we are even offering a tiny tot worship service for both Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

We need the community’s help in building something they can call their own!  For more information, please contact Cantor Debbi Ballard at 954-646-1326.  Watch for our official ticket sales announcement in the next few days, and please – let us know what you can do to help.  This is not MY event – this is YOURS!  Please come and be a part of something – REVOLUTIONARY!  You’ll be so happy you did!

B’Shalom,

(Article)

Bar Mitzvah Training: It’s not just a job….

The New York Times story about on-line bar mitzvah preparation caught lots of attention (at least for a few minutes).  You should read it if you have not.  It offers a window into some basic problems we face in the American Jewish community today.  First, what do synagogues matter anymore?  It is possible to do everything Jewish without a synagogue.  We often say that the community you find in a synagogue is vital to your Jewish life and not available anywhere else.  Whether or not that’s true, the parents featured in the article don’t seem to care.  And yet, they DO want bar mitzvah ceremonies for their kids.  Or do they?  The other important issue in the article is about the meaning of bar/bat mitzvah?  The final line of the article says it all: “Once Joanne Kapsack had found a rabbi for Eli to work with, she pretty much bowed out of the preparations, she said. “I just cared about the party.”  I am sure this happens equally often in our temple (and others).  I must admit that I have never been a bar mitzvah party naysayer.  I’ve either stayed out of it and treated it as something outside my scope or I have embraced the idea of the parties as part of the mitzvah and part of the community gathering that can occur.  But, nothing has disappointed me more than hearing the post-event assessment from two recent bat mitzvah mothers: it was a let-down.  They whole experience, when it was all said and done, was a let down for these mothers.  What else could it be after all the hype, the buildup, the money and time spent on it?  I have no problem adopting new technology – though I don’t really want an office that looks like the trading floor of a brokerage house.  I have no problem with adopting different standards than previous generations simply accepted in order to become temple members. I also have no problem with completely revolutionizing the way we do Jewish education in general.  But I do have problems with the ongoing march toward deification of bar and bat mitzvah.  Within this trend is not so much innovation as desperation.  We will do anything, it seems, to make our kids and ourselves feel good while we and they wallow in ambivalence about our Judaism.Dear

(My reply)

Rabbi Roos,

I just came across your comment and wanted to share another aspect of this situation that many seem to forget, or are not aware of.

It saddens me, too, to see the rite of passage as nothing but an excuse to show off one’s financial stature. I’m not a nay-sayer either, but whole-heartedly believe that the community celebration should be one of meaning, with the closest of friends and family surrounding the child, and showing love and support.

I am one of those Officiants, who provide unaffiliated lifecycles to my families, however, not for the purpose of fast tracking, eliminating, or for any other motive. These are families who got lost in the synagogue shuffle, and felt that synagogues were busy expecting congregants to meet their own financial needs, rather than vice versa.

In my town of Weston, FL, the Reform synagogue was bursting at its seams 5 years ago. With 700 families, they had one Rabbi with a lifetime contract since day 1, and a Cantorial soloist (not even a Cantor).

B’Nai Mitzvah services were doubled, to two a day, on Saturday morning ONLY, with 2 students in each service.

Many families wanted Havdalah services. Many families wanted smaller, private services to be held in the chapel, without the big pomp and circumstance and showiness of keeping up with those Jones’s. Many wanted their Rabbi (or officiant) to actually know their child’s name, but couldn’t commit to 3-5 days a week at the synagogue because of other commitments and demands on their childrens’ and families’ lives.

So – because the local synagogue couldn’t (or wouldn’t) meet those families’ needs – and because they truly wanted a meaningful, intimate connection to Judaism, and an opportunity to make their Judaism more personal and meaningful, and relevant, they found me.

I am a deeply traditional, spiritual Jew, with a profound belief, and relationship with G-d. I actually teach my students how to pray – how to understand G-d, and make G-d meaningful and relevant. I actually engage my students in learning, and experiencing Judaism, by cooking in their homes at holidays, teaching them how to teach their parents (many who are in Interfaith marriages) and how to initiate a worship-style dialogue at their Friday night Shabbat dinner table.

Please know that not all of us have offices that look like Wall Street. Mine is covered with photos of families I have worked with, pictures of places that my incredible job has taken me to, and is an environment that helps me remember that I am here to serve people, and not the other way around.

Perhaps if synagogues began acting the same way- more families would walk in the doors, rather than out.

With the most profound respect for your thoughts,

Cantor Debbi Ballard

www.mypersonalcantor.com

I don’t even know where to start this one. Have you ever developed such an incredible connection with someone, that you completely have no idea how you came into each other’s lives? But, the relationship is just so easy and wonderful, that it feels like you’ve been in it forever? Well, that’s Andie.

Somehow, Andie got my number over a year ago. Austin hadn’t been in Hebrew school for many years, though he had worked for a while with a local tutor. He was rapidly approaching 13, and Andie was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to have a Bar Mitzvah. Life had gotten in the way of life, and there were many obstacles to being able to plan the event they had always dreamed of for him, and it was looking as though it might not happen. I won’t go into the events of the year, but suffice to say, that neither Andie nor I were about to let Austin’s 13th birthday come and go without him becoming a Bar Mitzvah, and I’m happy to say – we made that dream a reality.

Last Friday night, aboard the Sun Dream Yacht Charter’s “Catalina”, on the EVE of his 13th birthday, Austin became a Bar Mitzvah.

This was no ordinary Bar Mitzvah, but it was certainly amazing, and I couldn’t have been happier with the way it all worked out. And the best part is, I know I have a friend for life, not only in Andie, but her whole family, and I couldn’t be happier.

Austin is a mensch. Take one look at him, and you instantly see his simple presence, kind hearted soul, and easy going personality. He’s adorable. Such a cutie, and one of my all time favorite kids. It’s only natural that his Mom has quickly become one of my closest friends.

Andie put this whole night together, and the events of the evening and the way it came together were incredibly beshert. (Even my good friend, Desiree Wilcox was the photographer and we had a blast working together!)  I have to say, the highlight of the evening (well, one of them) was the Singer/Babice family wardrobe – not your typical wardrobe, but a theme driven wardrobe that couldn’t be beat!

But, the real highlight of the evening, was the amount of love and energy in that room. From the beginning to the end, it was pure joy, and honestly, I felt like I was floating on a cloud while performing it. But – I have to mention, that the evening didn’t start out so smoothly. I had a funny feeling that I didn’t remind Austin to actually bring all of his materials and papers he had written, and when I got to the yacht to set up, I immediately started calling Andie to make sure Austin brought his Dear God prayer, that he had worked SO hard on. Well- I don’t even need to tell you that the answer to that question was “NO” – he had left it home, and I was FREAKING OUT by the time he got on the yacht. So – as Austin made his grand entrance, I quickly stuffed a pen in his hands and whisked him away to quickly re-write it – to the best of his ability.

Andie and I decided that it was what it was, and we weren’t going to freak out, nor were we going to rattle Austin and that was a good choice. The service was so much fun, and Austin was so amazing, that nobody even noticed, and we pulled the whole evening off without a hitch.

Austin’s brothers, Jordan and Miles are about the cutest things ever, next to Austin that is. They gave him his Tallit, and made a beautiful speech to him. I just love them all!! Andie totally could have the sequel to “My Three Sons”, because between her humor and theirs – it would be a top ranked sitcom for years!

And speaking of Andie’s humor – her own Dear God prayer was beyond funny, poignant, meaningful, and incredibly emotional, and I’m so proud of her too – for getting through it all without hysterical tears!

I’m proud of everyone, and even prouder to call this family my own. Andie – we’ll be besties forever. You are my soul sister, and I’m so lucky I found you – and Austin too!

XOXOXOXOXOXO

Rabbi Leon Olenick and I are going to offer a free High Holiday service in Lake Worth.  We both agree that today’s unaffiliated community wants something that is unrestrictive, open, welcoming, warm, and friendly.   We have decided to create a space that matches that exact description.  This is NOT your grandfather’s High Holiday service!  Be prepared!  We want to bring the unaffiliated community in Palm Beach County an opportunity to worship, daven, reflect, and pray without feeling judged, compared, or measured in any way.  (Hmmm, sounds kind of good to me – I have yet to find that anywhere down here, so I’m pretty excited!)

I recently put a survey out on the internet, asking people “Do you consider yourself to lean towards being more religious – or spiritual in your worship practices”.  Do you know that so far, I am up to 120 responses, and 98% of them say they are more spiritual than they are religious.  I take this to mean that we want more of a connection, and a pathway to communicating with G-d, rather than a dogmatic approach to fearing him.  Wouldn’t we all want more of a relationship with G-d, if we could imagine having a mutually rewarding experience?  Well, this is what I intend to create in my service.  G-d should be SO easy to reach, and sometimes, I feel our Jewish religious services make people feel less and less connected, rather than more.  If G-d were easily accessible, we would all be latching on!

Well, please consider joining me, for our High Holiday service.  I believe we are going to be holding our service at the Friends Meeting House, at 823 N. A Street, in Lake Worth.  We only have 85 spots total, and several people have already committed, so please let me know if you are interested in attending.  I promise, it will be worth the price! 

Shalom, and L’shanah Tovah,