For Kathy – and her Mom, a Church wedding was their #1 must have.  For Drew, and his Mom, the rich, beautiful Jewish traditions that kept them connected to their Jewish heritage were theirs.  We needed a church, a chuppah, a unity candle, a kiddush cup, a ketubah, and many more aspects of each of our faiths to incorporate into their wedding ceremony.

So many of Kathy’s plans kept falling through, between scheduling of the Air and Sea Show, and Churches and Pastors not being available, that Kathy and Drew even contemplated making the whole thing a destination wedding!  But – Kathy persevered, because she really wanted the wedding of her dreams – and I think they got just that!

The first time I met Kathy and Drew, and their Moms, Merideth and Susan, we had a love fest, a session filled with “absolutely’s” and “of course’s”!  In the next meeting, at the church, with Kathy and Drew, Susan, Dr. DeBie, and myself, things got a tiny bit tense, as we worked diligently to find just the right mix and blend of each of our “must haves”.  Several months later, we drew up the final ceremony program, and it seemed, we had ourselves the perfect Interfaith wedding.

Last night, Kathy and Drew were married at the Church By the Sea, with Dr. Linden DeBie, and myself co-officiating. First, to walk into that church, and see the beautiful chuppah standing there waiting for us, was so profound.  It meant so much to me, to know that we worked so hard to create a service that was full of faith, and that even though we both thought very differently about our faiths, we were able to put our differences aside, for the beauty of what unites us.

Chuppah in the church

As the processional began, Susan and Merideth arrived at the altar, lit the side candles of the Unity Candle, and were seated.  As Kathy arrived at the altar with her Dad, I welcomed everyone, and Dr. DeBie offered the Declaration of Intent, and asked the Giving of the Bride.  Kathy and Drew then stepped together under the chuppah, and Dr. DeBie performed their vows, and then I performed the traditional Jewish ring exchange.  Kathy and Drew lit their center Unity Candle, as their guitarist played “Here Comes the Sun”.  (beautiful)

The rest of the ceremony was – believe it or not – predominantly Jewish-style.  We signed their ketubah, shared the wine from their 6th generation kiddush cup from Drew’s family, and I sang the Birkat Kohanim (Julie Silver’s version).

Afterwards, Dr. DeBie pronounced Kathy and Drew husband and wife, and I concluded the ceremony with the breaking of the glass.

Looking back, and hearing everyone’s comments, I know fully why I do what I do.  I may not be able to change the world, or the face of faith, but I can certainly change some family’s lives, by giving them hope to see that love transcends individual beliefs.  That together, when we can sit a table and focus on what unites us, rather than what divides us, that all things are possible.

Today, I look back on Kathy and Drew’s wedding last night, with love, fond memories, and even stronger hope for the future, of a world that looks peaceful, and stands in unity.

Amen.

Reprinted from August 17, 2008 by cantorballard

On the heels of my blog about “What do we want from Hebrew Schools”, it becomes evident that our view today on religion, as a whole, has experienced a tremendous shift.

USAToday’s recently published article tells us that Americans lean more towards the upbeat, positive aspects of faith, while moving farther and farther away from dogmatic practices with hard core rules and restrictions. We are more prone to look to our religious traditions and rituals at time of lifecycle events, but in our every day lives, we want to receive the positive messages and encouragement faith offers.

So what does this say about our society, in terms of G-d? How do we define G-d? If we reject the rules and structure – will faith continue to exist? And – if all that – is – what is faith? Do we turn our faith into ourselves, becoming completely self-accountable? The question kind of scared me.

I do what I do to serve those who have already decided on moving away from dogma, and embracing feel-good spirituality. Sometimes I, myself, find that I really subscribe to that theory as well. We say – well, I don’t have to observe Shabbat, and…It’s ok to bend this rule, and that…It’s ok to get married “just before” sundown on Shabbat, to accommodate the caterer, etc. But- what power do we give G-d, then? I don’t feel any less connected to G-d than I ever did, in fact, in my quest for spirituality, I have grown closer.

To me, the answer is in living strong in principals, rather than rules. I go out of my way to do the right thing to and for people, to observe the golden rule, to care for the earth, caring for the sick, giving to the poor, those are things that bring me closer to G-d, because I know they’re the right things to do. I’m no less Godly, I just don’t worry about the details, in favor of the bigger things.

I’ve seen clergy – well respected, highly highly highly dogmatic, and staunch in their public ritual observance who are -pardon the expression – complete jerks – sinners, even. Are they more Godly than me? What about the Catholic priests who commit heinous acts against children – they followed the dogmatic rules, but didn’t live a life of G-d in their hearts.

What’s wrong with wanting the spiritual, upbeat message? We get the negative ones daily. You’ll get cancer, you’ll lose money, you’ll do this or that, and it’s usually bad. No wonder our society wants to gravitate to things that make us feel good while we’re here on earth – we don’t get much of it from anywhere else!

I’ll take my double dose of spirituality. I believe it is what makes me smile when I’m in your presence, to let you know you have brightened my day. I believe that being happy because I woke up this morning makes G-d feel good about me. Please forgive that I didn’t light my Shabbat candles right at sundown, or that I took my child to the movies on Saturday – at least I spent time with them, let them know their Mom loves them, and I know that makes G-d feel good about me too.

We all deserve to feel good, and we can do it with G-d in our minds and our hearts, even if we don’t follow all the rules..

When I think about my most unique weddings, I immediately think about the unique relationships I have formed, not only with my couples, but with their friends and family as well, because to ME – that is what makes MY weddings most unique!  For instance, when I’m asked that question, I am always taken back to Dan & Rita’s in Mexico, Felix & Evelina’s in Aruba, Jenni & Mike’s in Fort Lauderdale (diverted from Mexico compliments of Swine Flu), and now, Cheryl and Prav.  Unique to me, are couples and family who are now as close to me as my own family, and whose experiences made a lasting impression on me – for years to come.

And now, I can add Cheryl and Prav to that list.  From the moment I spoke to  Cheryl, we were in love!  She and Prav live in Raleigh, NC, but her mom lives in Boca, and so we made plans to meet on her next trip to South Florida.  Cheryl, Prav, her mom Joselyn, and Step-Dad Ted all met at Cheesecake Factory for dinner, and had the best time.  It was important to Cheryl that I knew her and Prav – I mean – really knew her, and Cheryl LOVES to share, so getting to know them as individuals and as a couple was very easy.  Cheryl and Prav have hearts the size of Manhattan.  They would do anything, give anything, be anything, to and for anyone they loved, because that is just who they are.

And boy oh boy – do they love each other.  Yeah, I know – every couple on their wedding day really loves each other, but seriously, this couple is different.  The love they share for one another brings each of them to tears – at least 3 times a day.  I seriously think Prav prays three times a day, and each time, his #1 prayer is one of gratitude for Cheryl – and vice versa.  I’ve never seen a couple so incredibly grateful for each other, and that’s part of what make Cheryl and Prav so unique.

So, on December 21, at Coconut Cove in Islamorada, with the most beautiful ocean behind me, and the most beautiful couple in front of me, I joined Cheryl and Prav in marriage, in a night I will likely never forget.  The venue, I just have to say, was one of the best places I have ever performed a wedding at.  First and foremost, it is a beautiful piece of real estate, but Paul and Magda run the operation, and they run it like it was their own wedding.

The food is amazing, but it was also the layout I loved most.  Guests could dance, but the dining area was separated from the dance floor, so we could enjoy each other’s company, if we chose not to dance.  And the fact that it was a private location – without 10 other weddings going on at the same time made it feel so personal, and warm, that it was incredibly enjoyable!  BUT – the most amazing part?  How about taking your first dance on the packed-sand beach, with fireworks being set off behind you?  Priceless, incredibly priceless.

The most priceless part, overall, however, is my Cheryl and Prav.  I love how they love each other.  They inspire me.  They encourage me.  They have become incredibly meaningful in my life, and I can’t imagine life without them.  Now, that’s unique.

Love you, Cheryl & Prav!

First stop:  Greenville, NC, where I had the pleasure and privilege of officiating the wedding for Leigh & Matthew.  Leigh is Meridith’s sister, whose wedding I performed back in December of ‘07.  The family has become very special to me over the last couple of years, so it was really  even more of an honor for me to do Leigh’s wedding.  Shortly after Meridith hired me for her wedding, they found out her Mom had brain cancer, and she was going in for immediate surgery.  Joann recovered from surgery, and happily was able to celebrate her daughter’s wedding, and I admired her so much for her incredible strength.  She was a beautiful woman, and I was so happy she could celebrate that joyous time.

A year ago, Elliot emailed me to let me know that his 2nd daughter, Leigh, was getting married, and asked me if I could also co-officiate with Matthew’s childhood Minister, Lisa.  I was thrilled, and together, Lisa and I created a perfect ceremony – a blend of both Leigh & Matt’s backgrounds and faiths.

But sadly, by November, Joann had passed away.  Elliot assured me that Joann had been able to help Leigh make all of her plans, and though she wouldn’t be able to celebrate Leigh’s most special day, she did everything she could to make sure it had just the right touches, and that – it did.

Leigh made a beautiful bride, and Meridith was a magnificent matron of honor.  Matthew is the most adorable young man, who also works for Elliot, and adores Leigh with all of his heart and soul.  It was sad to be without Joann, but I couldn’t be happier that the family is doing well, and enjoying all of the simchas that life brings.  Meridith and Kevin are proud parents to baby Rose, and Leigh and Matt are starting their lives together, and hopefully, they will also soon be blessed with children.

I feel so honored to be such a special part of this family, and I hope we continue to remain special to each other.  Leigh & Matt, I wish you all the blessings life holds, and may your lives together be blessed with joy, health, and abundance.

B’Shalom

When I came back from the Puerto Rico wedding, I quickly got ready for Leah’s Bat Mitzvah.  I have a friend who tutors children, and they were looking for someone to officiate the ceremony, so we worked as a team together.  It was really enjoyable, and the family was so much fun to work with.  The Bat Mitzvah was held on a Saturday evening, so we held a Havdalah service, which seems to be super popular these days.  It happens to be my favorite service, because I love including the contemporary Havdalah music and including everyone in the song and ceremony.  What great fun!  Leah did a great job, as did her sister, who also chanted from the Torah.  It was a beautiful night!

Just before the Bat Mitzvah, I spent a few personal days in Orlando as well, and saw my newest favorite musician, Matt Shenk.  He’s so awesome, and his music is at the top of my “most played” list in Itunes.  He is a master guitar player, has an awesome voice, and his words are so relatable!  Check him out at www.mattshenk.com.

Last week, I had the pleasure of officiating the wedding of Micha and Sam.  I don’t have pics yet, so I am saving the blog story, but they were so adorable, I just had to mention them here.  One of the youngest couples I have married, they are also one of the most mature.  I can’t wait for them to get back from their honeymoon, so I can hear how their first week of marriage went!

This weekend, I am performing the wedding for Annie & Greg. Annie is working incredibly hard at pulling off her wedding on a tight budget, and I think she has done an amazing job.  I can’t wait to see the result of her efforts.

I am also performing a Baby Naming for Mason and Emily, Sage and Jonah.  This is the couple I wrote about last week, titled, A Baby Naming, For all the right reasons…I can’t wait for this beautiful event, and to meet these two lucky little boys.

Trevor is home, and in between, I’m going to try to spend as much time as possible with him.  It’s a busy month, and I am so blessed to be so busy!  And I count those blessings, every day…

B’Shalom,

How many of us have been told “You don’t look JEWISH!”  I suppose I’ve always wondered what that meant, and felt strangely responseless upon hearing it, perhaps because I just couldn’t quite understand the purpose of the statement.

Here, Vanessa puts all of my feelings into words.  Yes, I AM JEWISH.  I am proud to look JEWISH, and if I don’t look JEWISH to everyone, I hope I am acting JEWISH every minute of the day.  Thanks, Vanessa.  You rock!

I know I say this all of the time, but I am just so fortunate in that every one of my wedding couples is amazing – but truly, Eden and Eduardo were such an amazing couple in so many ways.  It was such a great experience getting to know them, and to be such a special part of their most special day.

Eden & Ed live in Washington, DC, and they were referred to me by Rabbi Lev at www.interfaithfamily.com.  As soon as Eden contacted me, we both knew right away we were going to be the most perfect match, and we definitely had that assumption right on all counts!  Eden has one of those personalities that just comes right through the phone and you imagine that girl in junior high school who was just bursting with enthusiasm sitting next to you with a GREAT BIG SMILE on her face, and energy that would last for days.

Well – that’s EXACTLY what you got with Eden!  As I was writing notes about the feelings I had about her and Eduardo as we had our conversations on the phone, I kept thinking “earthy, warm, syrup-y, and sweet”.  Again – I totally had it right!

Getting to the wedding venue wasn’t quite as easy as forming the initial connection, but it was a fun and coversation-sparking adventure nonetheless.  They were married at The Villa Montana, in a small town, in the north-western part of the island, called Isabela.  It was about a 2 hour car ride from the San Juan airport.  Well, I was supposed to depart Fort Lauderdale at 6am (ick), but I just happened to check on my flight the night before, and found out that flight no longer existed.  I was sooooo upset, because they were having the rehearsal dinner that evening and wanted me there.  The flight I was booked on now left at 11am, arriving in SJU at 3.  That should have put me there for the rehearsal around 5:30.  Right.

As I made my way off the plane, I went to the pickup area, expecting to be met by a driver, but nobody was waiting for me.  (what a lonely feeling!!)  I called the hotel, and she began checking, and came back and told me the driver was there – but his van had just been TOWED AWAY, and he was trying to get it back.  After about an hour or more, he finally arrived to pick me up – and we were on our way – in Friday night rush hour traffic.  UGH.

At 6:30, I finally arrived at the beautiful little Villa Montana in Isabela.  Paradise.

This place had the small, intimate feel of a guest house, but was loaded with amenities and beauty.  I was immediately greeted by many of her family members as I was rushed to the rehearsal dinner on the beach, and there was Eden, and I just fell in love with her – as I knew I would.

That night, I got to know many of her guests, and met her family, as well as Eduardo’s.  Ed’s family is from Puerto Rico, and were the most wonderful, gracious, and appreciative family I have met in a long time.  I just knew the wedding would be amazing.

The next morning, I was able to spend quite a bit of time with Eden and Ed’s family and friends over breakfast on the beach.  We spoke for hours about Eden and Eduardo, their personalities, experiences, and their lives.  They told me incredible stories that really helped paint a perfect picture of my newest favorite couple, and I was able to create a perfectly blended, earthy, universalist-style ceremony that was a perfect match for their personalities.  We even re-wrote the words to The 7 Blessings, taking the religious language down a notch, and focusing on the meaning and appreciation of life.  It was quite beautiful.

Watching Eden and Ed before me, as I performed their marriage, was the perfect culimination of the experience.  Standing before me was not only a couple in love, but 2 best friends, laughing, touching, giggling, beaming, and kvelling together.  Knowing their closest friends and family were behind them, being witnesses to this magical moment, you could see the joy in their faces, and their hearts, as they spoke their vows to each other.

Certainly, the dinner party on the beach was also quite fun, and I had the most wonderful time with their friends and family.  To everyone I met at the wedding – thank you for making me feel SO comfortable, and welcomed, and thank you for helping me create another beautiful wedding.  Bob & Carol – thanks for the ride the next day to the airport, you are a wonderful couple!  Paula & Ira – thank you SO much for your hospitality – and Eden & Ed – Mazel Tov and Buena Suerte.  You are a beautiful couple that I will remember forever.  See you in DC in May!

B’Shalom,

Anyone who reads my story on my website, www.mypersonalcantor.com, knows that when I married Wayne, my Christian ex-husband, the list of available Rabbis to perform our wedding was a very short one, at best.  I can’t remember his name, nor do I have a good memory of him at all.  Looking back, he struck me as someone who would marry a cat to a dog, for a check.  Uninspiring, to say the least, but he certainly did not help the Jewish factor in my marriage, as my husband formed a strong impression about him, and related that impression to the faith, overall.  Bad mistake.

I can’t even begin to recount the numerous run-ins we had about how judgmental, critical, conditional, and exclusionary the Jewish faith was, which couldn’t be farther from the truth – but you know as well as I do, that perception IS 100% of our reality.  Sad.

Today, I, like Rabbi Lev, feel I have a completely different impact on the families I touch by my ceremonies.  Also, like him, I am more frequently approached by the Jewish guests than the Non-Jews, with comments about how much I taught them about their own faith.  As Jews, we learn to do and say very certain things, but never learn why.  We don’t learn the meaning in our lives, we don’t learn why.  Our traditions are beautiful.  The fundamental message of our religion is “Do the right thing”.  Read the words to the V’Ahavta – the prayer that follows the Shema, the most important prayer a Jew can utter.  The words tell us to love God, to speak of Him, remember Him, and take him with us in our hearts every day.  If we do that, we will surely make decisions that prove that we were made in his image.  We are beautiful people, with a rich, touching history, and being Jewish is a magnificent thing.  Unfortunately, too many people aren’t shown the beauty of being Jewish.

My ceremonies include lessons about why we do what we do, and what the meaning is in our lives.  I always try to relate a Torah portion or lesson from the Torah in my ceremonies, so everyone can take a piece of God home with them.  In this way, nobody feels excluded, nobody feels alienated, and even the Jews learn just a little more about our beautiful faith than they knew before.

The end result, hopefully, is that everyone who attended that wedding, or even Bar or Bat Mitzvah feels the beauty that eminates from Jewish lessons.  When a couple has decided to marry, it is not up to the officiant to judge that decision, but it is our responsibility to strongly and proudly represent our faith.  It is up to us to hold our heads up and take a stand for why this Interfaith family should NOT turn their backs on Judaism.  It is up to us to put being Jewish in their hands, however we can make that happen.  We should NOT try to force anything on anyone, but I just don’t see how strongly representing something so beautiful could possibly be looked down upon.  If we believe that God brings man and woman together, what gives Rabbis the right to second-guess his decision?

Jewish, done right, is a magnificent thing.  Judaism is the cornerstone of my life.  It is my road map to God.  It is my light that guides me, teaches me right from wrong, and holds me up when all else fails me.  Why wouldn’t I help someone else have that feeling?  We cannot be afraid as Jews.  We cannot run away.  We couldn’t run away in the past, and we must not run away today.  We must stand up proudly, and teach our Interfaith couples that Judaism is beautiful, and can be the light that guides us all.  Thanks, Lev.  You reminded me again how amazing it is that we have the opportunity to do what we do.  I am so grateful.

Well, Wikipedia tells us:

A Lyceum can be

• an educational institution (often a school of secondary education in Europe), or
• a public hall used for cultural events like concerts.
• Mount Lyceum (Λύκαιον Όρος). The holy mount of the Arcadians.

The precise usage of the term varies among various countries.

But, for me, the Lyceum in St. Petersburg was the location for my most recent wedding, and it was so much fun!  A bit different from most, David and Katie’s wedding was a fun, sincere, down to earth, REAL, and beautiful wedding weekend.  I really liked them both when I met them in Aventura several months ago, and having spent time with their family this past weekend, I am so happy to have had the chance to work with them.  For starters, I left home early Thursday morning, and drove as fast as I could to St. Pete, and met them and their wedding party at the Mirror Lake Lyceum for the rehearsal.  Immediately after the rehearsal, David’s Dad hosted the bridal party, friends, and family at Cafe Aura, in downtown St. Pete.  I had the pleasure of sitting with Ken, David’s Dad, and his 2 sisters and brother in law.  They were a lovely family, and so sweet.  Lunch was delicious, but it was the ambience of this little downtown cafe that really hooked you!

From there, I had the evening to myself, and experienced one of the nicest evenings I’ve had in a while.  David and Katie had 2 hotels for their guests, the Marriott Courtyard and The Ponce deLeon Hotel, and they chose the Ponce deLeon for me.  (YAY)  What a treat this was!  From the moment I walked in, Erica greeted me at the desk, and was the most vivacious hostess I had ever met.  (Except for my Mother in Law at The House of Sea and Sun!).  The hotel is an adorable vintage style guest house directly across from the Marina and Park, and I had hours upon hours to walk and take in the beautiful downtown scenery in St. Pete.

A great place to stay!

While I was walking, I came across an adorable floating chapel – a perfect location for a wedding!  I have to give them a call to see if I can possibly officiate there!  (Maybe it’s an idea for a new angle of my business??)

in the Harbor in St. Pete

For dinner, I went to Ceviche, and could not recommend it more!  It was a great night!  (But, this is not a travel review, it’s a wedding review – so on to the venue!)

Brian at the Lyceum was also an amazing participant, and he led the rehearsal and managed all the details with impeccable style.  David and Katie did a great job of blending their Interfaith wedding, not to mention step parents, and extended family.  David’s Mom had passed away several years ago, and so Katie’s Mom walked David down the aisle, with his Dad, Ken.  Since Katie’s Mom had remarried, and her Dad and Step Dad were both there, she chose to walk down the aisle with both of her Dads.  It was so sweet, and it paid tribute to all of the parents, in just the right way.  I was touched at their ability to blend and adjust the way they had.

David and Katie chose a sand ceremony, and we signed the Ketubah in the presence of their guests.  Their ring exchange was the traditional Jewish style, where we first place the ring on the right Index finger, and move the rings over to the left ring finger after the vows are repeated.  They had a beautiful wedding party of 5 bridesmaids and 5 groomsmen, with 2 junior bridesmaids and 2 ring bearers.  Everyone was dressed in black, and they looked beautiful.

David and Katie are a beautiful couple, inside and out.  They had a simple style, and a strong commitment to each other as a couple.  I have faith that this will be a long lasting relationship that will flourish and grow, and I’m so happy to have been a special part of their weekend!  Thanks, David and Katie!

At the Lyceum, after the wedding

Last weekend, I officiated my first double-wedding-weekend.

Saturday night, I performed a wedding for Sebastian and Moran.

Sebastian and Moran

They were the sweetest young couple, and as always, the experience of working with them brought incredible joy and happiness to my heart.  Sebastian contacted me from my website, and he told me that he was looking for the perfect person to officiate their small, intimate wedding ceremony.  I thought he sounded so young!  (he was!)  But, we met in Aventura one afternoon, and I began getting to know this couple, and we were connected right from the start.

They have the cutest story – He is from Argentina, she was from Israel.  They met while he was traveling in Israel, and then, they bumped into each other again a few weeks later – 200 miles away from where they met.  They carried on a long distance relationship for a while, and then, Moran moved to Florida.  She really didn’t know anything about planning a wedding (who does??) but, over the time we worked together, Moran really did a great job and learned so much, and she and Sebastian made the most lovely wedding ceremony at The Bath Club, in Miami Beach.

It was a small, intimate ceremony, and I’m so excited that because they didn’t really have a chuppah, I decided to make one of my own, so, at their wedding, we used my beautiful, handmade chuppah for the very first time.  This is one more couple that really became very special to me, and I hope we all stay in touch for a very long time!

My chuppah

Sebastian & Moran’s ceremony

Sebastian and Moran's Jewish wedding

So – at about 8:30 p.m., when the ceremony was over, I jumped in the car, and drove to Jacksonville, for the wedding of Ian & Lindsay, at the Ramona Pavilion in Jax.  (of course, the ceremony was the next morning)  The weather was beautiful, and it was such an amazing day.  Lindsay also worked so hard on making her day just right, and she did a great job.  Ian and Lindsay’s wedding was an Interfaith wedding.  He was Jewish, and she was raised as a fairly devout Christian.  We wanted to make sure we incorporated the fundamental Jewish rituals, without being too over the top for the non Jewish guests.  We incorporated a sand ceremony, adapted the processional a bit to meet everyone’s needs, added a few non Jewish traditions, like giving away of the bride, etc., and the wedding was great.  Everyone felt comfortable, and was so happy with the turnout.

Ian & Lindsay’s ceremony

It’s not easy to create the perfect service for everyone.  I really believe that while it is about the bride and groom, it is also about respecting their immediate family, and making sure everyone can be comfortable with the outcome.  Even in a full Jewish wedding, like an Interfaith wedding, both sides often have different expectations, and it’s important to consider and balance everyone’s needs.  It can be done, and it can be fun!

So, for November – a wedding in St. Pete (David and Katie), another Havdalah Bat Mitzvah (Rachel and Mara), a trip to Punta Cana (Yelena & Lenny), an Orlando wedding on Thanksgiving weekend (Michael and Megan), and a Memorial service here at home.  Another busy month to come, which I am so thankful for!