Reprinted from August 17, 2008 by cantorballard

On the heels of my blog about “What do we want from Hebrew Schools”, it becomes evident that our view today on religion, as a whole, has experienced a tremendous shift.

USAToday’s recently published article tells us that Americans lean more towards the upbeat, positive aspects of faith, while moving farther and farther away from dogmatic practices with hard core rules and restrictions. We are more prone to look to our religious traditions and rituals at time of lifecycle events, but in our every day lives, we want to receive the positive messages and encouragement faith offers.

So what does this say about our society, in terms of G-d? How do we define G-d? If we reject the rules and structure – will faith continue to exist? And – if all that – is – what is faith? Do we turn our faith into ourselves, becoming completely self-accountable? The question kind of scared me.

I do what I do to serve those who have already decided on moving away from dogma, and embracing feel-good spirituality. Sometimes I, myself, find that I really subscribe to that theory as well. We say – well, I don’t have to observe Shabbat, and…It’s ok to bend this rule, and that…It’s ok to get married “just before” sundown on Shabbat, to accommodate the caterer, etc. But- what power do we give G-d, then? I don’t feel any less connected to G-d than I ever did, in fact, in my quest for spirituality, I have grown closer.

To me, the answer is in living strong in principals, rather than rules. I go out of my way to do the right thing to and for people, to observe the golden rule, to care for the earth, caring for the sick, giving to the poor, those are things that bring me closer to G-d, because I know they’re the right things to do. I’m no less Godly, I just don’t worry about the details, in favor of the bigger things.

I’ve seen clergy – well respected, highly highly highly dogmatic, and staunch in their public ritual observance who are -pardon the expression – complete jerks – sinners, even. Are they more Godly than me? What about the Catholic priests who commit heinous acts against children – they followed the dogmatic rules, but didn’t live a life of G-d in their hearts.

What’s wrong with wanting the spiritual, upbeat message? We get the negative ones daily. You’ll get cancer, you’ll lose money, you’ll do this or that, and it’s usually bad. No wonder our society wants to gravitate to things that make us feel good while we’re here on earth – we don’t get much of it from anywhere else!

I’ll take my double dose of spirituality. I believe it is what makes me smile when I’m in your presence, to let you know you have brightened my day. I believe that being happy because I woke up this morning makes G-d feel good about me. Please forgive that I didn’t light my Shabbat candles right at sundown, or that I took my child to the movies on Saturday – at least I spent time with them, let them know their Mom loves them, and I know that makes G-d feel good about me too.

We all deserve to feel good, and we can do it with G-d in our minds and our hearts, even if we don’t follow all the rules..

I work with so many Destination Brides, and I know that so many brides must encounter this challenge when they are getting ready to travel for their weddings.

If you are in the ketubah market, I highly recommend Daniel’s work, as an original, inspirational artist and designer.  Enjoy!

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by Daniel Sroka of www.modernketubah.com

When my wife and I got married, we were still living in San Francisco, but our wedding was closer to our family in New Jersey. Let me tell you, planning a long distance wedding has its challenges! One of which is how to safely bring your ketubah on the plane with you. I get asked this a lot, so I thought I’d share some advice. First, have me ship your ketubah to you, not to the wedding site. It is really important that you see your ketubah in person, well before the ceremony. This will let you look it over carefully, and make sure that it is exactly what you ordered. And if it got accidentally damaged in shipment, this will give me a chance to replace it for you.

Traveling with your ketubah

I ship your ketubah rolled between sheets of acid-free tissue paper, and placed in an extra-strong shipping tube. Experience has shown that this is the safest way to ship unframed fine art. (Shipping it flat is both more expensive, and results in more damage.) So the best way to travel with a ketubah is to reuse this shipping tube. Place your ketubah between the tissue paper I provided, and carefully reroll in and place it in the tube. You now have a safe and portable package to carry with you. Be sure to bring it with you in carry-on, or stash it safely deep in the middle of your suitcase, surrounded on all sides by clothes.

When you arrive

When you get to the location of your wedding, take your ketubah out of the tube, and let it unroll. The paper will keep its curl for a while, but don’t worry. The paper of your ketubah is 100% cotton-rag, so it will easily “forget” the curl over time. When you remove it, you could gently use the tube to roll it in the opposite direction to remove the curl more quickly. If you feel uncomfortable doing this, just lay it flat like I suggested for a day or so to get rid of the worst of the curl. For my own wedding, I used an inexpensive poster frame to flatten the ketubah, and then protect it throughout the wedding and reception. When you are ready to have it framed, your framer can make sure that any remaining curl is removed.

So, I’m about to begin another Jewish year.  Not only do I know I have tons of work to do in getting ready for HH ‘09, but, I have lots of work to do looking back.  I couldn’t begin looking forward until I spent some time catching up on where I’ve been over the last few months.

Last I wrote, I had just gotten back from St. John, where I performed the wedding for Jen & Ilan, and their 2 little girls.  It was so amazing!  Then, I was in San Juan for Meredith & Vincent’s wedding – that I still need to blog about.  It was at the Fort, and it was a beautiful day!  Right after the wedding, I was rushed back to the airport, to perform Susi & Joe’s wedding in Key Biscayne the next morning, so needless to say – it took a while to recover!

Of course, there was Reid’s Bar Mitzvah, the following week, which was such a great experience.  Kudos to Richard & Jayne,  who defied social tradition, and had a lovely,  small, private, intimate service right in their home.  Reid did a great job, and I was so proud of him!

THEN – the highlight of my month – I took off to the NC Smoky Mountains, where I go camping, hiking, and white water rafting for 10 amazing days!  Just wait till I post pictures of my TENT – and the bear we came across while hiking!  We got lots of rain towards the end of the week, so we headed off to my friend Kerin’s cabin in Boone, and spent the rest of vacation in the beautiful Pisgah National Forest.

I thought August would be quiet, but today is the 27th, and I don’t know where the month went.  I performed a Bar Mitzvah for Makhail, where everyone came in “Jedi” costumes, and a very sad funeral, for the loss of my friend’s mother, a beautiful woman who was taken far too early.  Then, it was time to take Trevor to Gainesville, and Lauren to Jacksonville, and that brings me to today- where I just returned home, ready to go!

I am, however, going to take a few hours to hit the beach, and go for a walk, enjoying the beautiful Florida outdoors.  I have missed sun, and relaxation, but I just couldn’t hit the sand and surf without taking a few minutes to write.  I want to write about all of these things that I have done this summer, but I also have many new and exciting things to cover coming up.

Oh wait – did I mention I got certified to scuba dive, and will now be performing underwater weddings with ProDiveUSA?  Yeah, so much to tell…

Stay tuned, I’ll be back – but for now, going to get a dose of vitamin D!

LOVE YA!

I truly do know there are amazing things in store for my life.  Great things are presently happening, and I couldn’t be more excited, and full of positive anticipation.  Bring life on!

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Continuing in the Anti-Boredom vein for July, this week’s interview is with a woman who performs underwater weddings, fights for human rights and plays guitar while officiating ceremonies. How totally fun is that?

Who: Debbi Ballard of My Personal Cantor
Debbi Ballard is a Jewish Maverick and lifecycle celebrant, who employs her passionate and spiritual presence to unite people of all faiths through unity of shared common values.

Name one moment in your life when you threw a pity party for yourself and the reasons why you felt you weren’t able to achieve your goals. Were you feeling stuck? Had you felt you failed? What wasn’t working in your life?
I had just gotten divorced, failed miserably at a new career path, and completely lost all financial security. I had 2 small children, and felt completely worthless. I threw myself a pity party, because I knew I was worthy of so much more than what my life situation appeared to be, and I felt like a complete failure at the time. Nothing was working for me. Everything I saw myself doing involved failure, and I felt so hopeless that I would never get out of the failure patterns. Truthfully – “I” wasn’t working in my life – or for my life. I was in a negative dialogue = negative results pattern, and I knew in my heart that in order for life to change, I was going to need to change first – but…how?

Even our lowest moments fulfill a need in us or express our desires. When you threw yourself that pity party, what did you hope to gain? What need did you fulfill?
Great question! I needed to console myself, and to validate myself for my own feelings. I felt as if the outside world was against me, but I realized that I just wanted to feel sorry for myself, because nobody else was. Deep down, I knew that if I made things bad enough in my life, I would be validated in my own pity party, and feel justified in having it!

Tell us what you did to break up the pity party. What actions did you decide to take? Did someone help you buoy your spirits? Push you along?
Honestly, as hokey as it may sound – I knew then that my own dialogue was creating the life situation, and that in order to change the life, I needed to change the dialogue. Instead of crying and complaining about how bad things were going in my life, I decided to pretend things were AWESOME. I told everyone that everything was AWESOME in my life – and that I couldn’t have been happier. I almost choked on those words at first, but they became my mantra. I can clearly remember the moment when I caught myself telling someone how AWESOME my life was – and it actually WAS! It was then that I knew that the conversation had finally changed my life! And, while I always had a great support system of people who were cheering for me – it wasn’t until I became self empowered that anything actually changed, so it had everything to do with me, and my own perception of life, and the actions I took for myself.

Can you look back on that moment and tell us how you felt when you did decide to take action? What results came about from your decision to take charge and move on?
I felt so empowered, because I actually knew that I could control this conversation, and the direction of my life. I began to see myself as being successful again in life, and it gave me an incredible feeling of power to know that I could change the course of my happiness. Instantly, everything began to change. My job started to produce more success, my living situation improved, my children’s happiness improved, and the more powerful I felt, the better life became.

Everyone has a Someday problem hiding deep inside, even little ones. What variety of the Someday Syndrome do you currently harbor? What would you like to achieve but haven’t yet?
I consider myself so fortunate to have turned my passion into my livelihood, and in my mind, I already feel very successful. But, even deeper in my mind, I see a hundred times more success is possible for me. However, my Someday problem is often an inertia – an almost paralysis in actually executing the tasks I need to perform to actually achieve that hundred times more successful state. I make lists in my mind of awesome ideas I have to take to reach those next steps, but when I actually sit down to do them – I manage to find a hundred other things that take me off course. Some days, I just don’t know why I allow myself to be taken off my path, and I get so angry at myself. Other times, I get overwhelmed by all the things I know I should be doing, so I just do something else, and tell myself that I’ll get to those important things “later”. It’s funny – I spent my whole life wishing I didn’t have a ‘boss”. Now I wish I did! I might be incredibly productive!

Examining your Someday Syndrome problem, what are you currently doing to resolve it and eliminate it from your life?
I wish I could list 10 things I was doing to resolve my Someday Syndrome. Perhaps I’ll do that – later….. No, all kidding aside – I’m not doing enough. My greatest change has been my utilization of different colored sticky notes all over my office. Some are motivational, others are task oriented, and others are goals. I like different colors, and when I see things up on the wall that I can move around or remove, then it makes everything seem more “do-able”. Therefore, I do them, or take action on them more often. If I have everything floating in my mind, they don’t appear to be real, or movable, or do-able. It’s beginning to work.

Many people suffer the same problems you do. You’re not alone, and neither are they. What would you tell people in your situation right now to help them avoid what you’re going through?
I can definitely see how and why people get stuck in this rut – but the best advice I received that I would give, is to do just one thing towards the goal. Just write one thing down, do it, and cross it off the list, because it gives you a great sense of accomplishment. My son, who is a physics major, always reminds me that a body in motion stays in motion. And that it is always hardest to take the first step. I know that when I take those first steps, the next ones get easier, and then I find I am just a whirling-dirvish of activity! (I love that phrase!!)

If you could ask for one thing, right now, to help you overcome your Someday Syndrome, what type of help would you ask for?
More accountability. To someone, I just don’t know who. I have found that just being accountable to myself doesn’t work well enough. When I have an article that is due to someone, I get it done. When I have a ceremony or a speech that someone is waiting for – it gets done. But when I am the only one who expects something from myself – it just doesn’t get done often enough. So, I guess when I said I need a “boss” – that is what I would wish for. I guess that is what life coaches are called now – for those of us Self Employed Someday Syndrome sufferers!

If you’re like Debbi and want to have a “boss” checking in on you, sign up to the Accountability Clinic and make Someday Syndrome your boss.

• The Someday-Busting Coaching Services
• The Dream Discovering Ebook by Alex Fayle

These were from last summer, when Jim & Jade were doing a Monday morning segment, called “In Your Faith”.

Unfortunately, it was cancelled, but I really had fun doing the segments.  Click here to see the videos.

Deb

I knew May was going to be a ridiculously stressful, however highly rewarding month.  For the most part, May turned out exactly as I thought it would – a whirlwind month, with so many incredible experiences.  Toss in a few things I just didn’t expect, with a couple of personal setbacks I didn’t see coming, and BOOM – the seed was planted, and took root, instantly. What began as “I’m tired, burned out, and just don’t have the creative energy to write” turned into a self recriminating mantra that kept telling me that I wasn’t half the person I professed to be, if I couldn’t write just one blog entry this month!

Well – the self recriminating voice is gone.  We all have bumps in the road, don’t we?  Where would we be without setbacks that make us see just how strong we are?  Where would we be without experiencing some of life’s failures – just so we can appreciate the little successes with fervor and exuberant joy? Once again, Danny Maseng’s Return Again, or even stronger – Joel Osteen’s Begin Again series, giving me the permission to allow myself life’s little failures of time and followthrough, with a free pass to get back on track.  Begin again…isn’t every day a new beginning?

It’s so difficult to navigate life and be everything to everyone who needs us to be one thing or another.  Our clients, our family, our children, our community, our creditors, our friends, our less fortunate neighbors, the list is endless.  I sometimes forget – or wonder if I ever knew – who do I serve first?  What if I want to serve everyone, and the population’s desires of me are incongruent?  I tend to slip out of life when that happens.  I tend to forget that I must serve myself first.  Rev. Ernest Chu, author of “Soul Currency”, today reminded me that those of us with such strong compulsions to give – often forget to serve ourselves first – or even at all.  Well, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that the vessel that continuously pours out, eventually runs out.  Perhaps, the month of May was continuous pouring.  I really forgot to take care of me, and I so appreciate the messages of today, telling me I am still an amazing woman, worthy of self forgiveness, compassion, and lots of tender love and care.  Today was mine, and I can feel the blood really beginning to flow.

I’m excited again to write about May.  The wedding of Dan & BethAnne in Gainesville, with my all time favorite Catholic Priest – Father Tim. He is quite possibly the coolest Catholic Priest I have ever met!

The wonder-weekend of Nick & Remy’s wedding in the Bahamas, followed by Jenni (the love of my life) and Mike here in Fort Lauderdale, and then the whirlwind 2000 miles in 48 hour weekend of a Bar Mitzvah, 2 weddings, and a Bat Mitzvah.  I knew I would need time to recover, and here I am, on June 27th, looking July squarely in the eyes, wondering where in the hell did time go?  It doesn’t matter – because every moment that flew by is in the past.  I can only think about the present, and here I am – writing again, beginning again, and so excited to share all the joy that my life has seen the last month.

Stay tuned, the writer is back.  The procrastinator has been siezed!

B’Shalom,

So, while you are looking around, please feel free to cast your eye in Todd’s direction.  I’m sure you will find lots of interesting nuggets of inspiration to keep you going for a while!

Thanks for the vote of confidence, Todd!

Linda, who lives in Portland, Oregon,  decided to perform 1000 mitzvahs in honor of her father’s memory.  For anyone who doesn’t know, a Mitzvah is a good deed – regardless of how big or small, but it is having an intention in your heart to help someone or make someone feel good.

Linda’s blog entry, as she reaches 1000 was about how she felt it needed to have something to do with food, because her father loved to cook, loved to eat, and loved to serve.  In her blog, she asked everyone, near and far, to consider making a donation to feed someone less fortunate, and I am echoing her request, because in these days, many of us forget that even though times are tough – they are tougher for others.  I certainly need to watch every penny I spend, however, today I remembered that I was fortunate enough to eat breakfast, and lunch. But certainly, in my town, there were hundreds of families who could not say the same.

So, in honor of Linda’s 1000th Mitzvah, I made a $36 donation.  Nothing big, nothing major, but the thought counted more than anything.  Now – I know that charity is not something that should be advertised, and I certainly want NO kudos for making my donation, but – I would like to ask everyone who reads this blog today, to please take a moment and help someone in greater need than yourself.

If you live in Florida, our local food bank is in dire need of donations. For $35, 2 families of four won’t go hungry for eight days, because they can pick up groceries at an emergency food pantry.  The link is http://www.dailybread.org/index.cfm/category/2/page/11/lang/en.html

If you live outside the area, please consider making a donation to your local Jewish Family Services or Daily Bread Food bank, or any other program that helps others put food on their tables.

Linda – thanks again for inspiring me to remember how fortunate I am.  Congratulations on your 1000th Mitzvah, and may your father’s memory be for a blessing upon this earth.

B’Shalom

First, she shared a new perspective on the glass breaking in  a Jewish wedding, and that was that an old Moroccan saying was related to the broken glass of a Jewish wedding, in that “A difficult beginning is a good sign”.  It really is true in so many ways.  We are an instant gratification, disposable society sometimes.  We expect our life’s path to roll along smoothly, and often get derailed at the first sign of trouble. It really isn’t about the trouble at all, though, it’s about our perception of it, so if we start out with a little tzurres, perhaps that helps frame the perspective, and helps us appreciate the peaks that the road of life will certainly bring us to, while remembering that the valleys are not so long lived, and give meaning to the experience.

The other topic of her post was our current economic conditions, and its impact on today’s wedding experiences.

Meg – I have one additional perspective to share with you, in response to your sentiment of mild envy at last year’s crop of brides, who were planning well before the onset of layoffs, closures, and the like….Fast forward those brides to today.  They planned without worry, but they were the most unfortunate, because they also most likely incorporated a whole lot of expense and debt into their plans, and guess what they’re thinking today?  I’m sure many are wishing they still had the $10, 20, 30, 40k or MORE they spent on the wedding, because it sure would have helped them get through the difficult times, now, because they possibly lost their jobs or have just been hit financially.

Knowledge is power, and you have much more knowledge today than they did.  You have been given the gift of perspective, so today you can CHOOSE to be more economical, simple, realistic, and responsible.  And in the end, what you will most likely end up with (especially based on the sentiment of your readers) is a more personal experience, knowing that those who surround you on that day are there because YOU are one of the most important people in their lives.  If that’s not a gift, I don’t know what is.

Last year’s brides are not feeling like they got so much of a gift.  I hear many lamenting that they wish they had created a more intimate, personal setting, and not felt so compelled to pay $200 a plate for someone they barely knew.  They (and/or their families) are saddled with debt they really didn’t want nor could afford, and while the memory of the experience begins to fade, the credit card balances are mounting, as finance companies raise rates through the ceiling.  Not so much of a blessing, and certainly not much to envy.

One of the reasons I absolutely LOVE my destination weddings, is because I am always so touched at what every person experiences through them.  Certainly, the guests are the MOST important people in the world to them.  They made it a life priority to take that trip with them, and share in their joy.  They got FAR more than a 5 hour party, they got a life-long experience, of sharing the most relaxing time and special moments.  The final bill is far more palatable than that of a grand-wedding-experience, and provides so many more special memories to look back on.  This year more than ever, we are returning to simpler values, and that is the TRUE blessing of this economy.

I’m actually thankful for it, and while I wouldn’t wish a single hardship on anyone, I suppose that it was, is, and continues to be necessary to re-align our values, to re-think what is important, and to re-define what we consider to be our blessings.  Those brides that are planning their upcoming weddings in this downturn economy – rejoice!  You have the gift of knowledge, perspective, and POWER to choose to do what’s right for yourselves, your families, your friends, and the economy over all.

Life is not about broken glass, it’s about the meaning you give it.

B’Shalom,

Because tomorrow I am officiating the biggest wedding in my career?  For a family known throughout the world for RATING people?  Well, yeah, ok…I’m nervous.  I didn’t say I wasn’t confident, but when you know that people who write about what people do for a living are judging you, then I’d think you might be a bit nervous, too.

Regardless, this wedding is all about the couple, and the couple is definitely something to write home about.  Good looking, brilliant, ambitious, charismatic, benevolent, compassionate, and really-truly, down to earth and very very real.    I am incredibly honored to have the opportunity, and hope that their wedding ceremony is everything they could have ever hoped for.

In the meantime, I’m certainly excited to have my name appear with theirs, in the New York Times.  It was even more special to see it come out on Valentine’s Day. Stay tuned for details…