My Personal Cantor» Holidays

Changing lives is easy!

Debbi — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 18:54:56 +0000

You would think it takes sheer genius, or a miracle, or a huge revelation, to truly cause a shift in someone’s life, right? Not so much. Try a simple, single act of giving, and see what that does – not only for the person receiving your gift, but for you – when you take part in authentic giving.

Since I live in downtown Ft. Lauderdale, I am constantly driving by the park on Broward, just east of Andrews, where countless homeless people live. When I moved here, I began cooking double batches of food, and as I cooked for myself, I would package the 2nd batch, and drop it off as I drove by, with plasticware, in disposable containers. (recyclable – for sure!) The first time I dropped off my food, I marveled at the impact it had on me. Driving down Broward, with tears rolling down my face, I felt a new gratitude that I had never felt before. Not grateful for the big things, but for the small things. That I had my own food, and water, and knew every day where I was sleeping, and that it would be warm and dry. It broke my heart that so many others had so much less.

At Purim, we give Shaloach Manot – Food Baskets – for the needy. With 62 children in my Hebrew School program, I wanted to organize an act of giving. Not an act of giving where we just dropped food off at a truck. Yeah, that’s good too, but – I wanted my kids to know what homeless people looked like. I wanted them to see that they were real people, people who might have just lost out on chances, and this is where they ended up, for now. I explained that sometimes, people choose this life, and while I wanted them to give to someone who had less than them, I did not want them to look at them with pity. Just look at them as people who have less, and no way to get what we have, and know that you are doing something good when you share it with them.

I organized a food drive. Asked every family to donate some food for baskets, to organize the baskets, and drive to downtown together, to drop them off. I told them we probably wouldn’t stay there, just long enough to share – and leave. Several families asked if I had press coverage. ”No”, I replied – I didn’t want any. This wasn’t about me, nor was it about my kids, but it was about simply – giving. Nobody would know we were coming. No organizers were there to make sure it all worked out, but something deep down inside told me that the ultimate Organizer, Blessed be He, was going to take care of it all.

I got nervous. What if our giving caused a riot? What if we didn’t have enough to go around and something bad happened? What if my innocent children who I brought to Ft. Lauderdale with their families experienced a good plan gone bad? Not today. It wasn’t going to happen. The Organizer was at work, making sure it was all good.

And so – we met at Dunkin Donuts, in the parking lot. I was overwhelmed at the number of families who showed up, brought amazing food, and even some extra friends to help out. Within minutes, my kids and my families put together 42 bags of food, and we kept some as leftovers, because I actually ran out of bags. (We’re doing this again on April 10th!) I wanted to take pictures, document the process, but I managed to catch a few quick shots, and they were all ready to go!

We got in our cars, caravaned down 595, and like a parade of cars, pulled in to the spaces that bordered the park. I jumped out of my car, and was just looking at all the homeless people, and was almost speechless. I was overcome with emotion, and didn’t even know how to start. Thankfully, a young man, who was sitting on a blanket came to me. I explained that I was a teacher, and in these cars behind me were my students and parents. That we just celebrated Purim, where we were thankful for our abundance, and wanted to show our gratitude by sharing our food with them. I told them we might not have enough, and asked them please kindly to share and make sure everyone got something.

Suddenly, every person in the park was standing around us – respectfully – eagerly – waiting to see what we were doing there. They heard my explanation, and I could immediately feel their incredible gratitude for just showing up for them at this moment. I then invited my kids to get out of their cars, and carry a bag to each person that was standing on the sidewalk, and suddenly, all of the people in the park began thanking my children profusely. Again – I was overwhelmed.

A nice looking man – actually he was fairly clean cut, and seemed to me to be “recently displaced” spoke up. He told my kids that they might not realize it, but that it only takes one person’s small act of kindness to change the world. Maybe not the whole word, but HIS whole world was changed today, and I suspect, so were many others. But you know what’s funny? I think for the people receiving the food, their day was changed. But for those of us who brought the food? That’s whose lives were changed the most.

Can you imagine the feeling of watching one of your precious students, clutching his mother, as he sobbed in her shirt, in despair for the unfortunate people whose day he just brightened? Well, not only was his world changed today, but mine was changed even more. To know that I just watched so many of my precious students, and their parents take part in true, direct giving – from their hearts, and from their wallets, was one of the most life changing experiences I have ever had.

I’m so thankful today. Thankful for my wonderful families. Thankful that for my $63 investment at BJ’s yesterday, I changed many people’s lives. Thankful that I saw giving as a pleasure, not as a duty. Thankful that I shared this moment with my students, and hopeful that they will always be inspired to give – more, and more often, to those in need.

We will be doing this again on April 10th, and if my friend Elizabeth has her way, this is going to become a monthly event – because truly – people are starving every day – right here at home. Not just on Thanksgiving or Yom Kippur, but every day – and because we can – we should make giving a daily event. Thank you to all who shared in today’s Mitzvah. I am truly grateful for having you in my life.

B’Shalom,

Thanks is for Giving

Debbi — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 13:13:22 +0000

I was reminded of this by a friend and colleague of mine, who has written (and is soon to be arriving in bookstores) a book called 1000 Mitzvahs: How Small Acts of Kindness Can Heal, Inspire, and Change your Life. I’ve always admired Linda for realizing that sometimes it is the small things that matter most, and when we focus on them, and perform them daily, these acts truly can move mountains.

For many of you with children in my program, you have no doubt heard from them after each session, that we spoke about the little things, about acts of kindness, and most especially the art of gratitude. I teach them that before we can wish or pray for one single thing, we must physically count our blessings, take inventory of what we have, so that we are reminded that perhaps we don’t need the many things we wish for. I also teach them to recognize how many unfortunate people have so much less than we do, so that perhaps we can wish for more things or more happiness for those who are in need.

Linda’s email struck such an important chord. I see many people offering help and assistance to others, and for those of you who make it your life’s mission to do so – Kol Ha Kavod! (Great job!) But – I often wonder, how much of an impact we could make in our own personal friends’ and families’ worlds, by reaching out, and offering our humanity, our love, and our appreciation of what we do for each other. We spend so much time behind facebook, and many modalities of social networking, that I fear we will lose a human touch, which is so critical to our existence. (I’m most guilty!) I know how much it means to me when one of my families reaches out to hand write me a note, or calls me to tell me how much they appreciate what I’ve done. So, I’m sending Linda’s note to all of you to remind you that while giving to those less fortunate should never take a back seat – let’s try to remember this Thanksgiving to show the people we love how much we appreciate them in our lives. You would be surprised how much love can grow, when you give more of it away….

I am thinking of all of you this holiday season, and am so grateful for what you – and your children – bring to my life.

(And Thank You, Linda! I can’t wait to read the book, and feel like I had a part in it – as it was one of your mitzvot that brought us together!)

Thanks is for giving

You are my God and to you I am thankful, my God I will sing in awe of you.

Eli atah ve’odeka elohai aro-me-meka

A few years ago, I passed a sign on a church billboard in November that said Thanks is for giving. Of course, as Americans we have a holiday that proclaims to be a holiday of Thanksgiving but I am not convinced that Thanksgiving has achieved all that it can these days. For many families it is a time to come together and share in a leisurely holiday meal which in this day and age maybe unique in itself. Some families might volunteer to help deliver meals to homebound seniors or serve at a soup kitchen, they might help raise funds for food based organizations all extremely important opportunities to help bring more joy to others around Thanksgiving. I wondered recently if families had any other customs around Thanksgiving, offering more long lasting thanks. In our evolving fast paced world, where Facebook, email and IM has all but replaced hand written notes, perhaps we could add one simple custom this year to take a few moments to send a real card, a hand-written heart felt thank you to someone who has affected our lives in a profound way. Maybe it’s someone who knows they have made a difference in our life like a parent, spouse or child or perhaps it’s someone who doesn’t know what a difference they have made in our life like a colleague, neighbor, coach, mentor or even an old friend. Even one card can make a difference.

Thank-you notes are a physical extension of our gratitude. Sending a card let’s someone know they are on our minds and how important they are to us. After my dad died, there were several people who sent condolence cards that surprised me. They were people I didn’t know all that well and the fact that they took the time to send me a card to let me know they were thinking about me was very touching. The experience of receiving those cards made me realize that I could do the same thing, so during my own 1000 mitzvah project making calls and sending thank-you cards became a common activity.

Sending thank you notes is a simple activity that encourages us to think about what we are grateful for in our life. Living in a state of gratitude is a well understood concept across many faiths. If we are grateful for the things in your life, we will be more conscious of them; and when we acknowledge the things we are grateful for, we will be in a state of deeper appreciation.

It takes so little time to send a thank you card, probably less than ten minutes. Keeping blank note cards and stamps on hand so the card can be written at the drop of a hat makes this process even easier. In addition, this is one of those simple ideas that has a boomerang effect and could certainly be done all year long. By sending more notes and expressing our gratitude to people who have helped us, we in turn will attract more positive situations in our life.

When people send us thank-you notes, we shouldn’t throw them out, rather save them. Find a special bag, book, or box and put all of these notes into it. It’s amazing how those cards can help on a difficult day. It can be a reminder that you are loved and have made a difference in other people’s lives. A friend of mine who worked as a chaplain at a local hospital told me about a fellow chaplain who created her own bag for received thank-you notes and had called it her Bag of Love. What a wonderful way to visibly remember that what we do in this life matters to others.

We struggle in our day-to-day lives to find meaning and importance, and I believe that the simple act of reaching out and giving thanks can have positive ramifications. This Thanksgiving perhaps instead of just partaking in a holiday meal and watching football and even delivering meals or working in a soup kitchen, add a new custom to take a few moments to actively engage in giving more thanks through your written words shared with another.

Linda Cohen
(503)292-3739

Helping the world one mitzvah at a time.
www.1000mitzvahs.org
twitter: @mitzvahs

Reflections on Passover

Debbi — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 16:12:05 +0000

Well, with Passover behind me, I can finally breathe a bit, and settle back into writing. I have been so fortunate to do some great events lately, but Passover was stellar, and I’m so excited to have had the honor to return to Broken Sound for the 2nd year in a row.

Once again, F&B Director Ed Cichelo & the staff at Broken Sound Country Club did an amazing job, and I’m so grateful to Ed for making me a part of this exciting event, and being so gracious to me and my family who joined me on both nights. The Country Club is absolutely beautiful, and they do such a great job with the room. First night, I think we were somewhere between 700-800, and it’s an amazing feat just to get food out of a kitchen and on tables, but I watch in amazement at the precise process and amazing training the staff has at making guests feel comfortable. White gloves and precision placement of plates on a table are the highlight, until you taste the food! Dinner includes a full half chicken, yummy brisket, 2 types of potato puree, fresh veggies, and that’s just the entree! You’re really lucky if you can eat half the entree, because by the time it gets there, you’ve eaten whitefish salad, Matzo Ball soup, gefilte fish and salad, and all the matzoh you can eat! YUM! But what really makes this unbelievable is the price – Ed, you do an amazing job!

For the Seder, I try to make it as interesting, light hearted, interactive, and understandable for everyone. I use a really fun Haggadah, and my highlight is the involvement I have with the kids. Midway through the seder, I bring the kids up and we all sing The Four Questions together. It is such a precious picture to see little 3 year old brother and sister holding hands together as we sing. I tell everyone to get ready, because at the end of dinner, we will get back together to find the afikoman. And sure enough, I have about 30 kids scurrying through a room of 700, searching for the afikoman. It’s to die for! Ed gives me a stack of $1 bills, so I can give EVERYONE a gift for searching – but I think it’s funny how the 30 grows to 45 when I’m handing out the dollars!

Regardless, Passover is about remembering our ancestors, being grateful for our freedom, religious, and personal, and looking forward to a season of renewal. I kind of feel like we have 2 New Years in the Jewish faith, because I certainly feel renewed and eager to explore new ideas and change for the upcoming year during Passover. This season, I am grateful for my professional freedom to express my faith and worship as I choose, to find G-d in unexpected places, and to continue my spiritual path of learning and growth. I have great ideas to put into action for the coming year, and am looking at new ways to interact with people.

I pray that this season of spring, you find your own new ways of self expression, gratitude for what really matters, and breaking the bonds of your own personal slavery. Freedom is amazing, truly. What you do with it makes it even more so.

B’Shalom

Passover 2009 – Broken Sound Country Club

Debbi — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 13:05:24 +0000

I’m so excited to announce that I am returning to the Broken Sound Country Club, to lead their Passover Seders for the 2009 season.

Last year was my first year, and it was so much fun. My friend, Cantor Jerry Cohn, had been leading their Seders for years, but had gotten ill, and recommended me to lead their Seder. Last year, our first night brought over 400 people, but this year, we are already up to 600! PRESSURE!

The night is so much fun. I perform a 45 minute Seder, with a custom created Hagaddah for the guests, and we have about 50 children, so we get to sing the 4 questions and find the Afikoman. We are prepared at both Seders with LOTS of $1 bills, so we get ALL the kids in on the search!

The food is awesome, and Broken Sound graciously gives me a table, so I can invite my family. Hopefully, Ed (The F&B Manager) will make my famous recipe “Matzoh Clusters” for desert! This year, Mom is making Seder at home for first night, but the family will be joining me at the club on Thursday night. My BFF, Nancy and her brood is coming for first night, so I’m really excited that I will have company for both nights this year.

I’m so lucky to have this opportunity, and am grateful to Ed and his staff for the amazing quality and organization of their Passover Seders. I am even impressed that they manage to keep their prices SO incredibly reasonable, another testament to Ed’s passion and dedication to put on an amazing event for his members. See you next week!