7 years ago, I performed my first wedding.  6 years ago, I performed my first Bat Mitzvah.  Today, I am so proud to announce the official launch of “Shema Koleinu“, our non-profit synagogue-like organization that provides outreach to South Florida’s Jewish and Interfaith/Intercultural unaffiliated community.  After several years of providing quality, meaningful life cycles for families who do not belong to synagogues, I wanted to do more.  I wanted to mean more.  I knew, that in order to truly be “My Personal Cantor”, I must provide everything a true synagogue did, but was committed to eliminating the membership, dues, and business aspect of the synagogue.

It was not only critical to provide meaningful life cycles, it was critical to bring my community a place of belonging, a place they could call their community, and feel great about building. We can create community by action, not by dollars.  We can create community through mitzvah projects and group prayer, and not need to pay electric bills to do it!

But yet, we must build.  Bringing my community an amazing High Holy Day worship experience was my priority this year, and I’m so excited to announce that I have contracted with the Miramar Cultural Center, to bring West Broward its first meaningful, uplifting, and spiritually abundant High Holy Day services for the unaffiliated.  Regardless of your affiliation – or not – you can now worship and honor the new year with us, in a beautiful setting, with meaningful prayer and leadership.  Our services will be family-friendly, so bring your children!  And – we are even offering a tiny tot worship service for both Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

We need the community’s help in building something they can call their own!  For more information, please contact Cantor Debbi Ballard at 954-646-1326.  Watch for our official ticket sales announcement in the next few days, and please – let us know what you can do to help.  This is not MY event – this is YOURS!  Please come and be a part of something – REVOLUTIONARY!  You’ll be so happy you did!

B’Shalom,

Since I live in downtown Ft. Lauderdale, I am constantly driving by the park on Broward, just east of Andrews, where countless homeless people live.  When I moved here, I began cooking double batches of food, and as I cooked for myself, I would package the 2nd batch, and drop it off as I drove by, with plasticware, in disposable containers.  (recyclable – for sure!) The first time I dropped off my food, I marveled at the impact it had on me.  Driving down Broward, with tears rolling down my face, I felt a new gratitude that I had never felt before.  Not grateful for the big things, but for the small things.  That I had my own food, and water, and knew every day where I was sleeping, and that it would be warm and dry.  It broke my heart that so many others had so much less.

At Purim, we give Shaloach Manot – Food Baskets – for the needy.  With 62 children in my Hebrew School program, I wanted to organize an act of giving. Not an act of giving where we just dropped food off at a truck.  Yeah, that’s good too, but – I wanted my kids to know what homeless people looked like.  I wanted them to see that they were real people, people who might have just lost out on chances, and this is where they ended up, for now.  I explained that sometimes, people choose this life, and while I wanted them to give to someone who had less than them, I did not want them to look at them with pity.  Just look at them as people who have less, and no way to get what we have, and know that you are doing something good when you share it with them.

I organized a food drive.  Asked every family to donate some food for baskets, to organize the baskets, and drive to downtown together, to drop them off.  I told them we probably wouldn’t stay there, just long enough to share – and leave.  Several families asked if I had press coverage.  ”No”, I replied – I didn’t want any.  This wasn’t about me, nor was it about my kids, but it was about simply – giving.  Nobody would know we were coming.  No organizers were there to make sure it all worked out, but something deep down inside told me that the ultimate Organizer, Blessed be He, was going to take care of it all.

I got nervous.  What if our giving caused a riot?  What if we didn’t have enough to go around and something bad happened?  What if my innocent children who I brought to Ft. Lauderdale with their families experienced a good plan gone bad?  Not today.  It wasn’t going to happen.  The Organizer was at work, making sure it was all good.

And so – we met at Dunkin Donuts, in the parking lot.  I was overwhelmed at the number of families who showed up, brought amazing food, and even some extra friends to help out.  Within minutes, my kids and my families put together 42 bags of food, and we kept some as leftovers, because I actually ran out of bags.  (We’re doing this again on April 10th!)  I wanted to take pictures, document the process, but I managed to catch a few quick shots, and they were all ready to go!

We got in our cars, caravaned down 595, and like a parade of cars, pulled in to the spaces that bordered the park.  I jumped out of my car, and was just looking at all the homeless people, and was almost speechless.  I was overcome with emotion, and didn’t even know how to start.  Thankfully, a young man, who was sitting on a blanket came to me.  I explained that I was a teacher, and in these cars behind me were my students and parents.  That we just celebrated Purim, where we were thankful for our abundance, and wanted to show our gratitude by sharing our food with them.  I told them we might not have enough, and asked them please kindly to share and make sure everyone got something.

Suddenly, every person in the park was standing around us – respectfully – eagerly – waiting to see what we were doing there.  They heard my explanation, and I could immediately feel their incredible gratitude for just showing up for them at this moment.  I then invited my kids to get out of their cars, and carry a bag to each person that was standing on the sidewalk, and suddenly, all of the people in the park began thanking my children profusely.  Again – I was overwhelmed.

A nice looking man – actually he was fairly clean cut, and seemed to me to be “recently displaced” spoke up.  He told my kids that they might not realize it, but that it only takes one person’s small act of kindness to change the world.  Maybe not the whole word, but HIS whole world was changed today, and I suspect, so were many others. But you know what’s funny?  I think for the people receiving the food, their day was changed.  But for those of us who brought the food?  That’s whose lives were changed the most.

Can you imagine the feeling of watching one of your precious students, clutching his mother, as he sobbed in her shirt, in despair for the unfortunate people whose day he just brightened?  Well, not only was his world changed today, but mine was changed even more.  To know that I just watched so many of my precious students, and their parents take part in true, direct giving – from their hearts, and from their wallets, was one of the most life changing experiences I have ever had.

I’m so thankful today. Thankful for my wonderful families.  Thankful that for my $63 investment at BJ’s yesterday, I changed many people’s lives.  Thankful that I saw giving as a pleasure, not as a duty.  Thankful that I shared this moment with my students, and hopeful that they will always be inspired to give – more, and more often, to those in need.

We will be doing this again on April 10th, and if my friend Elizabeth has her way, this is going to become a monthly event – because truly – people are starving every day – right here at home.  Not just on Thanksgiving or Yom Kippur, but every day – and because we can – we should make giving a daily event. Thank you to all who shared in today’s Mitzvah.  I am truly grateful for having you in my life.

B’Shalom,

(Article)

Bar Mitzvah Training: It’s not just a job….

The New York Times story about on-line bar mitzvah preparation caught lots of attention (at least for a few minutes).  You should read it if you have not.  It offers a window into some basic problems we face in the American Jewish community today.  First, what do synagogues matter anymore?  It is possible to do everything Jewish without a synagogue.  We often say that the community you find in a synagogue is vital to your Jewish life and not available anywhere else.  Whether or not that’s true, the parents featured in the article don’t seem to care.  And yet, they DO want bar mitzvah ceremonies for their kids.  Or do they?  The other important issue in the article is about the meaning of bar/bat mitzvah?  The final line of the article says it all: “Once Joanne Kapsack had found a rabbi for Eli to work with, she pretty much bowed out of the preparations, she said. “I just cared about the party.”  I am sure this happens equally often in our temple (and others).  I must admit that I have never been a bar mitzvah party naysayer.  I’ve either stayed out of it and treated it as something outside my scope or I have embraced the idea of the parties as part of the mitzvah and part of the community gathering that can occur.  But, nothing has disappointed me more than hearing the post-event assessment from two recent bat mitzvah mothers: it was a let-down.  They whole experience, when it was all said and done, was a let down for these mothers.  What else could it be after all the hype, the buildup, the money and time spent on it?  I have no problem adopting new technology – though I don’t really want an office that looks like the trading floor of a brokerage house.  I have no problem with adopting different standards than previous generations simply accepted in order to become temple members. I also have no problem with completely revolutionizing the way we do Jewish education in general.  But I do have problems with the ongoing march toward deification of bar and bat mitzvah.  Within this trend is not so much innovation as desperation.  We will do anything, it seems, to make our kids and ourselves feel good while we and they wallow in ambivalence about our Judaism.Dear

(My reply)

Rabbi Roos,

I just came across your comment and wanted to share another aspect of this situation that many seem to forget, or are not aware of.

It saddens me, too, to see the rite of passage as nothing but an excuse to show off one’s financial stature. I’m not a nay-sayer either, but whole-heartedly believe that the community celebration should be one of meaning, with the closest of friends and family surrounding the child, and showing love and support.

I am one of those Officiants, who provide unaffiliated lifecycles to my families, however, not for the purpose of fast tracking, eliminating, or for any other motive. These are families who got lost in the synagogue shuffle, and felt that synagogues were busy expecting congregants to meet their own financial needs, rather than vice versa.

In my town of Weston, FL, the Reform synagogue was bursting at its seams 5 years ago. With 700 families, they had one Rabbi with a lifetime contract since day 1, and a Cantorial soloist (not even a Cantor).

B’Nai Mitzvah services were doubled, to two a day, on Saturday morning ONLY, with 2 students in each service.

Many families wanted Havdalah services. Many families wanted smaller, private services to be held in the chapel, without the big pomp and circumstance and showiness of keeping up with those Jones’s. Many wanted their Rabbi (or officiant) to actually know their child’s name, but couldn’t commit to 3-5 days a week at the synagogue because of other commitments and demands on their childrens’ and families’ lives.

So – because the local synagogue couldn’t (or wouldn’t) meet those families’ needs – and because they truly wanted a meaningful, intimate connection to Judaism, and an opportunity to make their Judaism more personal and meaningful, and relevant, they found me.

I am a deeply traditional, spiritual Jew, with a profound belief, and relationship with G-d. I actually teach my students how to pray – how to understand G-d, and make G-d meaningful and relevant. I actually engage my students in learning, and experiencing Judaism, by cooking in their homes at holidays, teaching them how to teach their parents (many who are in Interfaith marriages) and how to initiate a worship-style dialogue at their Friday night Shabbat dinner table.

Please know that not all of us have offices that look like Wall Street. Mine is covered with photos of families I have worked with, pictures of places that my incredible job has taken me to, and is an environment that helps me remember that I am here to serve people, and not the other way around.

Perhaps if synagogues began acting the same way- more families would walk in the doors, rather than out.

With the most profound respect for your thoughts,

Cantor Debbi Ballard

www.mypersonalcantor.com

Reprinted from August 17, 2008 by cantorballard

On the heels of my blog about “What do we want from Hebrew Schools”, it becomes evident that our view today on religion, as a whole, has experienced a tremendous shift.

USAToday’s recently published article tells us that Americans lean more towards the upbeat, positive aspects of faith, while moving farther and farther away from dogmatic practices with hard core rules and restrictions. We are more prone to look to our religious traditions and rituals at time of lifecycle events, but in our every day lives, we want to receive the positive messages and encouragement faith offers.

So what does this say about our society, in terms of G-d? How do we define G-d? If we reject the rules and structure – will faith continue to exist? And – if all that – is – what is faith? Do we turn our faith into ourselves, becoming completely self-accountable? The question kind of scared me.

I do what I do to serve those who have already decided on moving away from dogma, and embracing feel-good spirituality. Sometimes I, myself, find that I really subscribe to that theory as well. We say – well, I don’t have to observe Shabbat, and…It’s ok to bend this rule, and that…It’s ok to get married “just before” sundown on Shabbat, to accommodate the caterer, etc. But- what power do we give G-d, then? I don’t feel any less connected to G-d than I ever did, in fact, in my quest for spirituality, I have grown closer.

To me, the answer is in living strong in principals, rather than rules. I go out of my way to do the right thing to and for people, to observe the golden rule, to care for the earth, caring for the sick, giving to the poor, those are things that bring me closer to G-d, because I know they’re the right things to do. I’m no less Godly, I just don’t worry about the details, in favor of the bigger things.

I’ve seen clergy – well respected, highly highly highly dogmatic, and staunch in their public ritual observance who are -pardon the expression – complete jerks – sinners, even. Are they more Godly than me? What about the Catholic priests who commit heinous acts against children – they followed the dogmatic rules, but didn’t live a life of G-d in their hearts.

What’s wrong with wanting the spiritual, upbeat message? We get the negative ones daily. You’ll get cancer, you’ll lose money, you’ll do this or that, and it’s usually bad. No wonder our society wants to gravitate to things that make us feel good while we’re here on earth – we don’t get much of it from anywhere else!

I’ll take my double dose of spirituality. I believe it is what makes me smile when I’m in your presence, to let you know you have brightened my day. I believe that being happy because I woke up this morning makes G-d feel good about me. Please forgive that I didn’t light my Shabbat candles right at sundown, or that I took my child to the movies on Saturday – at least I spent time with them, let them know their Mom loves them, and I know that makes G-d feel good about me too.

We all deserve to feel good, and we can do it with G-d in our minds and our hearts, even if we don’t follow all the rules..

Delia called me just a few weeks ago.  Her “real” wedding was planned for March 7th, this coming Sunday, but her in-laws, Mitch’s parents would be unable to make the trip to NY for the wedding.  As the daughter in law, it was very important for her to celebrate this moment with Mitch’s parents, and to give them the opportunity to celebrate this simcha with their friends as well.  Delia, the brilliant, compassionate woman that she is had a stellar idea!

She called me to ask if I would simulate in its entirety, a wedding ceremony complete with all the bells and whistles, without having to “make it legal”, which of course, was just fine with me!  So, last Sunday, on a magnificently sunny but cool winter morning in Highland Beach, FL, I performed a beautiful ceremony for Delia, Mitch, his parents. and 30 of their closest friends.

I was incredibly impressed with the way the Holiday Inn, Highland Beach set up the ceremony location, right on the water, on the patio, off the dining room.

What really touched me, was that now, Delia’s parents were not present, so Mitch’s Dad walked Delia down the aisle, as Mitch’s mom walked her son.  They chose 4 close friends to hold my self-made chuppah poles, and because of the time of day – bright and early on Sunday morning – we used an alternative “fruit of the vine” – oranges.  Well, kind of like a vine, I guess- but far more palatable, at that time of day!

I didn’t have much time to get to know Delia and Mitch, but something happens when I stand with a bride and groom at one of the most intimate moments of their lives.  The feelings transcend the experience and as Delia and Mitch emotionally shared their vows repeating after me, I felt like I had known them forever.  It was a beautiful moment, incredibly real, and equally as moving as I’m sure their ceremony will be this coming weekend.

I’m so happy I was there for them, and Mitch’s parents called me immediately the day following the wedding to thank me beyond words.  It is families like this that make my job so joyous and happy, and I am so honored to have had the privilege of beginning Mitch and Delia’s weeklong wedding celebration!

Best of luck to you both, and enjoy the wedding!

B’Shalom

A couple of weeks ago, I was there to see one of my favorite Jewish music artists, Julie Silver, and the night was magic.

Last night, Dan Nichols performed and co-led services with Steve Dropkin, and the TBE staff.  I adore Dan.  He has changed the way modern Jews pray, and his music is amazing.

The Shir Joy children’s choir performed and we all sang Light One Candle.  They dimmed the lights in the room, while we all held one Hanukkah candle, to represent the light of our dreams.  The most touching moment was when the Rabbi reminded us that love is like a candle flame.  When we share it, we lose nothing, and gain everything, and we should all remember to share the flame (and the love) in our souls, every chance we get.

I bumped into my friend, Ellari, and we got to sit together, sing, and harmonize, which made the worship experience even more amazing.

Afterwards, Steve and I went to dinner, caught up, and had a great time.  It was an amazing night, and one of the most moving synagogue experiences I’ve had in a long time.  I appreciate TBE, because they change it up, and keep it interesting.  The way the Rabbis engage me in relevant thought and prayer is something I have missed in a synagogue setting, and I was so happy to let them nourish my soul last night, and remind me that organized prayer can be meaningful.

Today, I’m off to Islamorada for Cheryl & Prav’s Jewish-Hindu wedding weekend.  I adore this couple, and can’t wait to see them get married.

Full of Shabbat love…

B’Shalom

So, I’m about to begin another Jewish year.  Not only do I know I have tons of work to do in getting ready for HH ’09, but, I have lots of work to do looking back.  I couldn’t begin looking forward until I spent some time catching up on where I’ve been over the last few months.

Last I wrote, I had just gotten back from St. John, where I performed the wedding for Jen & Ilan, and their 2 little girls.  It was so amazing!  Then, I was in San Juan for Meredith & Vincent’s wedding – that I still need to blog about.  It was at the Fort, and it was a beautiful day!  Right after the wedding, I was rushed back to the airport, to perform Susi & Joe’s wedding in Key Biscayne the next morning, so needless to say – it took a while to recover!

Of course, there was Reid’s Bar Mitzvah, the following week, which was such a great experience.  Kudos to Richard & Jayne,  who defied social tradition, and had a lovely,  small, private, intimate service right in their home.  Reid did a great job, and I was so proud of him!

THEN – the highlight of my month – I took off to the NC Smoky Mountains, where I go camping, hiking, and white water rafting for 10 amazing days!  Just wait till I post pictures of my TENT – and the bear we came across while hiking!  We got lots of rain towards the end of the week, so we headed off to my friend Kerin’s cabin in Boone, and spent the rest of vacation in the beautiful Pisgah National Forest.

I thought August would be quiet, but today is the 27th, and I don’t know where the month went.  I performed a Bar Mitzvah for Makhail, where everyone came in “Jedi” costumes, and a very sad funeral, for the loss of my friend’s mother, a beautiful woman who was taken far too early.  Then, it was time to take Trevor to Gainesville, and Lauren to Jacksonville, and that brings me to today- where I just returned home, ready to go!

I am, however, going to take a few hours to hit the beach, and go for a walk, enjoying the beautiful Florida outdoors.  I have missed sun, and relaxation, but I just couldn’t hit the sand and surf without taking a few minutes to write.  I want to write about all of these things that I have done this summer, but I also have many new and exciting things to cover coming up.

Oh wait – did I mention I got certified to scuba dive, and will now be performing underwater weddings with ProDiveUSA?  Yeah, so much to tell…

Stay tuned, I’ll be back – but for now, going to get a dose of vitamin D!

LOVE YA!

I came across a Chuppah photo gallery, and wow – some of these are amazing.

In my opinion, Seth & Dana’s chuppah still takes the first place award of weddings I have officiated, but some of these are just simply incredible.  My sincere kudos for the artists who imagined, and created them!

I often have so many brides who run into chuppa challenges, whether they be financial or creative, and this gallery shows that something as simple as a scarf above your heads, or as elaborate as a chuppa made of lights, can be a beautiful and “kosher” addition to your wedding.  It doesn’t have to be about the flowers.

If you’re looking for simple or elegant chuppah ideas, you’ll find them here!

Enjoy!

Once again, F&B Director Ed Cichelo & the staff at Broken Sound Country Club did an amazing job, and I’m so grateful to Ed for making me a part of this exciting event, and being so gracious to me and my family who joined me on both nights.  The Country Club is absolutely beautiful, and they do such a great job with the room.  First night, I think we were somewhere between 700-800, and it’s an amazing feat just to get food out of a kitchen and on tables, but I watch in amazement at the precise process and amazing training the staff has at making guests feel comfortable.  White gloves and precision placement of plates on a table are the highlight, until you taste the food!  Dinner includes a full half chicken, yummy brisket, 2 types of potato puree, fresh veggies, and that’s just the entree!  You’re really lucky if you can eat half the entree, because by the time it gets there, you’ve eaten whitefish salad, Matzo Ball soup, gefilte fish and salad, and all the matzoh you can eat!  YUM!  But what really makes this unbelievable is the price – Ed, you do an amazing job!

For the Seder, I try to make it as interesting, light hearted, interactive, and understandable for everyone.  I use a really fun Haggadah, and my highlight is the involvement I have with the kids.  Midway through the seder, I bring the kids up and we all sing The Four Questions together.  It is such a precious picture to see little 3 year old brother and sister holding hands together as we sing.  I tell everyone to get ready, because at the end of dinner, we will get back together to find the afikoman.  And sure enough, I have about 30 kids scurrying through a room of 700, searching for the afikoman.  It’s to die for!  Ed gives me a stack of $1 bills, so I can give EVERYONE a gift for searching – but I think it’s funny how the 30 grows to 45 when I’m handing out the dollars! 

Regardless, Passover is about remembering our ancestors, being grateful for our freedom, religious, and personal, and looking forward to a season of renewal.  I kind of feel like we have 2 New Years in the Jewish faith, because I certainly feel renewed and eager to explore new ideas and change for the upcoming year during Passover.  This season, I am grateful for my professional freedom to express my faith and worship as I choose, to find G-d in unexpected places, and to continue my spiritual path of learning and growth.  I have great ideas to put into action for the coming year, and am looking at new ways to interact with people.

I pray that this season of spring, you find your own new ways of self expression, gratitude for what really matters, and breaking the bonds of your own personal slavery.  Freedom is amazing, truly.  What you do with it makes it even more so.

B’Shalom