Up until now, you might have known me as Cantor Debbi Ballard, or Debbi, or even Cantor Debbi.  Well, I have an alter ego you may not know, and might not have even guessed existed.  Lots of people read my Facebook page, and see all the great things I am constantly doing, and they would be surprised to know that I am officially - the world’s WORST procrasinator!  Well, maybe I’m being a bit harsh on myself, but really - this procrastination thing tends to bury a little seed, and if you let it take root for just a split second, it begins to pervade your life in the worst kind of way.

I knew May was going to be a ridiculously stressful, however highly rewarding month.  For the most part, May turned out exactly as I thought it would - a whirlwind month, with so many incredible experiences.  Toss in a few things I just didn’t expect, with a couple of personal setbacks I didn’t see coming, and BOOM - the seed was planted, and took root, instantly. What began as “I’m tired, burned out, and just don’t have the creative energy to write” turned into a self recriminating mantra that kept telling me that I wasn’t half the person I professed to be, if I couldn’t write just one blog entry this month!

Well - the self recriminating voice is gone.  We all have bumps in the road, don’t we?  Where would we be without setbacks that make us see just how strong we are?  Where would we be without experiencing some of life’s failures - just so we can appreciate the little successes with fervor and exuberant joy? Once again, Danny Maseng’s Return Again, or even stronger - Joel Osteen’s Begin Again series, giving me the permission to allow myself life’s little failures of time and followthrough, with a free pass to get back on track.  Begin again…isn’t every day a new beginning?

It’s so difficult to navigate life and be everything to everyone who needs us to be one thing or another.  Our clients, our family, our children, our community, our creditors, our friends, our less fortunate neighbors, the list is endless.  I sometimes forget - or wonder if I ever knew - who do I serve first?  What if I want to serve everyone, and the population’s desires of me are incongruent?  I tend to slip out of life when that happens.  I tend to forget that I must serve myself first.  Rev. Ernest Chu, author of “Soul Currency”, today reminded me that those of us with such strong compulsions to give - often forget to serve ourselves first - or even at all.  Well, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that the vessel that continuously pours out, eventually runs out.  Perhaps, the month of May was continuous pouring.  I really forgot to take care of me, and I so appreciate the messages of today, telling me I am still an amazing woman, worthy of self forgiveness, compassion, and lots of tender love and care.  Today was mine, and I can feel the blood really beginning to flow.

I’m excited again to write about May.  The wedding of Dan & BethAnne in Gainesville, with my all time favorite Catholic Priest - Father Tim.  The wonder-weekend of Nick & Remy’s wedding in the Bahamas, followed by Jenni (the love of my life) and Mike here in Fort Lauderdale, and then the whirlwind 2000 miles in 48 hour weekend of a Bar Mitzvah, 2 weddings, and a Bat Mitzvah.  I knew I would need time to recover, and here I am, on June 27th, looking July squarely in the eyes, wondering where in the hell did time go?  It doesn’t matter - because every moment that flew by is in the past.  I can only think about the present, and here I am - writing again, beginning again, and so excited to share all the joy that my life has seen the last month.

Stay tuned, the writer is back.  The procrastinator has been siezed!

B’Shalom,

Suffice to say - there is a long story about how this all came about - but….

Yes, I am the first Cantor to become certified in performing underwater weddings!  Using full Guardian scuba face masks, and through ProDiveUSA in Fort Lauderdale, we are going to be offering full communication, video streaming technology - underwater weddings!

I’ll post more about how this all came about, but the Sun Sentinel and South Florida live are coming out on Monday to do a story on our underwater weddings, so I wanted to get this out there right away!  We’re looking for our first couples, AND a Catholic priest to be my partner in Interfaith weddings!

On May 4th and 5th, the Human Rights Campaign held their 2nd Clergy Call symposium, gathering clergy from all across the U.S., in support of Marriage Equality, Hate Crimes Legislation, and the Employee Non-Discrimination Act.  (ENDA)  When I performed Eden’s wedding, I met a wonderful young man, named Peter, who was working as an intern for the HRC, and he invited me to attend.  I had no idea what I would experience, but I knew that this was a cause that was near and dear to my heart, for several reasons, so without even a 2nd thought, I raced home, signed up to attend, and made my flight arrangements, in conjunction with Leigh’s wedding in NC.

So, on Sunday morning, after the wedding, I continued my trip into DC.  I specifically left myself an entire day to do some sightseeing, so you can only imagine my disappointment, when I realized it was cold and raining upon my arrival - and that’s the way it would stay - until the minute I headed home for Florida. But, having been pushed and squeezed to the limits with my schedule, it was actually a great thing that I was able to rest up beforehand, because the next 2 days would prove to be completely overwhelming.

On Monday morning, we all showed up for registration at the Calvary Baptist Church.  We were greeted by none other than the Rev. Gene Robinson, the Episcopal Minister from New Hampshire, that delivered the invocation to President Obama’s Inauguration weekend.  The speaker lineup of the day was incredibly moving, and though we sat on church pews from 8am until 5pm, the day flew by.  I have to admit, as a first timer at such a symposium, along with being one of the few “straight - ally’s” of the gay community, I was just a tiny bit intimidated at the beginning of the program.  I wasn’t sure if my presence would be misunderstood, or if I personally would be misunderstood, but I quickly learned - it didn’t matter, at all.  What mattered was that I was there - supporting a cause I believe strongly in, and my personal agenda - along with everyone else’s was left at the door.

At breakfast that morning, I had the exceptional experience of meeting Sarah.  Actually, Sarah and 2 other attendees and I shared a cab from the hotel to the church, but it was at breakfast that Sarah and I reconnected and we sat together, to introduce ourselves, and accompany each other for our first meal.  Sarah was incredibly open about her life, and my introduction to her opened a window to a population I really did not know so commonly existed in our world today.  Sarah is a transgender woman.  She opened up her life to me, and told me about her previous life, as a husband and father of 2 daughters, and her journey into the world of becoming a woman.  Her personal story was rich with adversity, achievement, perseverance, tenacity, compassion, despair, and joy.  I still can’t remember what was more overwhelming - the details of her story, or the fact that she was sharing them, so intimately, with me.  But, through the experience of the 2 days at the HRC program, I was glad that I got to know Sarah so personally, because I hadn’t realized that while the LGBT community had come so far in its legislation for equality, the transgender community was still stuck in the last century, trying desperately to catch up.

That night, the Schusterman Center, at Hillel, held a welcome reception for all the Jewish clergy attending.  In all, there were about 20 of us, and it was great to meet Rabbis, Cantors, and program directors from across the country - straight and gay - who came in support of this cause.  In fact, I met Rabbi Robert Saks, who is the Rabbi Emeritus for Cong. Mishpechah in DC, who was also the childhood Rabbi of Dan Feldman, the young man I just married this past weekend.  (blog to follow)

That night - we were honored by performances from some amazing speakers, singers, and poets, not to mention the Gospel Choir from Calvary Church, and I was completely blown away.  For those who know me intimately, you know that I was secretly born to sing Gospel, but have never quite had the chance.  It is the one “disappointment” I have about the Jewish faith, in that I see people so incredibly JAZZED and HAPPY and IMMERSED in the praise of the Lord, when they are singing Gospel, but in a synagogue, we don’t get to whoop and holler.  What a let down.  So, I get my worship high by going to Gospel churches, where I can safely raise my hands in the air, stomp my feet, and elevate myself, in my own personal form of worship.  It’s amazing!!  I was most drawn, however, to a young woman, a poet, named Saria Idana.  She was incredibly amazing.  She performs a work of poetry, song, and dance, and her movement was called “Jihad”.  She was born half Jewish, half Sufi, and I believe it was her personal account of her internal conflict, and it was simply amazing.  I cried through the whole performance, and wished I could watch it over and over again.

The next day, we gathered at the Baptist Church in the District, and were divided into our lobbying groups, where we planned our day to meet with aides for Sen. Mel Martinez and Bill Nelson.  I was also scheduled to speak with Debbie Wasserman-Schultz’s aid, but had the privilege of actually meeting Robert Wexler in person, and discussing the status and progress of the issues at hand.  Everyone we met, except for Mel Martinez was in favor of the Matthew Shepard Hate Crime Legislation, and ENDA, but Sen. Martinez was against it.  He feels that the legislation created a special class, which couldn’t be farther from the truth.  Unfortunately, my blog post is already long enough, so I will just simply implore anyone reading this to research the issues, and recognize that we are all human beings, deserving of dignity and respect, and it is our responsibility as citizens to help those less fortunate - or different from ourselves.  We were not created as one nation under G-d as long as we’re “normal”.  We all have our differences, and are entitled to the safety and resources of our country, regardless of why we are being persecuted.  I encourage you to write your Senator, or Congressman/Congresswoman to let them know you support equality for ALL American citizens.  Why should anyone be left out?

So, on Tuesday night, the event came to a close.  It was one of the most enriching experiences of my life.  I have a sister who is gay, and though I completely support her, I realized I have only looked through the window into the gay community.  I live in a predominantly gay community, and though I am surrounded by the gay community every day, I am still looking through a window.  This past week, I was IN THE HOUSE.  I saw this community, of which I am not a part, but I stand proudly by, and joined them in their lives.  I experienced just a small moment of what they experience every day, and my life is richer for having had those moments.

We all deserve love.  We all deserve equality.  We all deserve protection of our most basic rights to live, work, and contribute to our communities.  As religious leaders, it was so amazing to come together, putting every difference aside, and celebrating our unity in support of the LGBT community.  My life, has changed..

Thank you Peter.  You will never know how much I appreciate being invited.  I hope I can honor you, and the LGBT community by supporting you, and continuing to lobby for equal rights for all citizens.  Thank You.

B’Shalom,

So, no sooner did I finish Jared’s Bar Mitzvah, that it was time to prepare for the exciting upcoming week!

First stop:  Greenville, NC, where I had the pleasure and privilege of officiating the wedding for Leigh & Matthew.  Leigh is Meridith’s sister, whose wedding I performed back in December of ‘07.  The family has become very special to me over the last couple of years, so it was really  even more of an honor for me to do Leigh’s wedding.  Shortly after Meridith hired me for her wedding, they found out her Mom had brain cancer, and she was going in for immediate surgery.  Joann recovered from surgery, and happily was able to celebrate her daughter’s wedding, and I admired her so much for her incredible strength.  She was a beautiful woman, and I was so happy she could celebrate that joyous time.

A year ago, Elliot emailed me to let me know that his 2nd daughter, Leigh, was getting married, and asked me if I could also co-officiate with Matthew’s childhood Minister, Lisa.  I was thrilled, and together, Lisa and I created a perfect ceremony - a blend of both Leigh & Matt’s backgrounds and faiths.

But sadly, by November, Joann had passed away.  Elliot assured me that Joann had been able to help Leigh make all of her plans, and though she wouldn’t be able to celebrate Leigh’s most special day, she did everything she could to make sure it had just the right touches, and that - it did.

Leigh made a beautiful bride, and Meridith was a magnificent matron of honor.  Matthew is the most adorable young man, who also works for Elliot, and adores Leigh with all of his heart and soul.  It was sad to be without Joann, but I couldn’t be happier that the family is doing well, and enjoying all of the simchas that life brings.  Meridith and Kevin are proud parents to baby Rose, and Leigh and Matt are starting their lives together, and hopefully, they will also soon be blessed with children.

I feel so honored to be such a special part of this family, and I hope we continue to remain special to each other.  Leigh & Matt, I wish you all the blessings life holds, and may your lives together be blessed with joy, health, and abundance.

B’Shalom

This past weekend was Jared’s Bar Mitzvah.  I was so worried about this one, simply from a time constraint perspective.  No sooner did I finish Jess & Pete’s wedding in Orlando, I jumped in the car, drove home, taught Hebrew School from 9-10am, and was ready for Jared’s Bar Mitzvah at 10:30! (It required setup at 7:30 a.m., but it’s all in a day’s work..)

I was just worried that something might go wrong with driving back and forth, or that I might not be as focused as I needed to be, but from the moment we entered that room, there was a very special magic.

Jill’s friend, Janet, who is a mutual friend of my bff Mindy, was there, and she told me the story before we started about how she was responsible for baking Jared’s challah from scratch.  She baked one the night before, and she said “It just wasn’t feeling the love…” so..she got up the next morning, and baked a new one.  This time, she had all the positive, yummy, feel good intention for Jared that she was feeling as she was rolling the dough, and this one came out just perfect!  I thought - what a great thing to share in the service!!  It is so true that when we make things with love and positive intention, they come out even more yummy than we could ever imagine! YES!

The morning just got better from there.  Jared was one of the most poised, unflappable young men I have seen on a bimah. He knew his material, and was so proud to be there, that his attitude helped make the day so incredibly successful.  Jill, who was so worried about writing her “Dear G-d” prayer for Jared, spoke so beautifully and eloquently, and so did Bruce.  Their prayer for Jared was just what we all pray for, for our children, but knowing how nervous Jill was, it made it all the more special for me to listen to.  Hard not to shed a tear at that moment, for everyone - including me!

As I promised Jill, but she might not have originally believed, the service was over in a flash.  Torah reading, prayers, Aleinu, Kaddish…all short, but very sweet, and it was time to move on to the celebration everyone had waited for.  Jared was moving on to be the rock star of the day!

I moved on - to go collapse at home!  A wedding the night before and a Bar Mitzvah the next morning can take quite a bit out of a traveling Cantor.  But, the day was peaceful, and filled with beautiful memories of two amazing events in one single weekend.  This was one incredibly proud traveling Cantor!

What made me even prouder, was to receive Jill’s email the following day.  It was the best email I had ever received - and so I am going to be a tad boastful, and publish it here, on Jared’s blog entry.  (As well as my references page).  I’m just so proud and fulfilled to bring these kind of feelings to a an experience, not to mention a family who I have really grown to love…

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Woke up this morning and was checking out the Jewish Wedding Network’s recent activity, as I’m really hoping their site does well!

I came across a Chuppah photo gallery, and wow - some of these are amazing.

In my opinion, Seth & Dana’s chuppah still takes the first place award of weddings I have officiated, but some of these are just simply incredible.  My sincere kudos for the artists who imagined, and created them!

I often have so many brides who run into chuppa challenges, whether they be financial or creative, and this gallery shows that something as simple as a scarf above your heads, or as elaborate as a chuppa made of lights, can be a beautiful and “kosher” addition to your wedding.  It doesn’t have to be about the flowers.

If you’re looking for simple or elegant chuppah ideas, you’ll find them here!

Enjoy!

Saturday afternoon, I had the pleasure of performing the wedding for Jess and Pete, an incredibly beautiful couple, both inside and out!  But it almost didn’t happen, and here’s why….

Jess contacted me in the fall of last year, and we spoke for almost an hour about what she wanted for her wedding, and how I could help.  It seemed from the first minute we spoke on the phone, that we were both speaking the same language - everything I told her about my ceremonies was exactly what she wanted.  And she sounded like the perfect client for me - she was so bright and enthusiastic, very family oriented, and just wanted a warm, personalized, and meaningful ceremony.  It was the perfect match!  UNTIL….

I asked her what date she was planning on getting married, and when I checked my calendar, it seemed that I had a tentative booking with another bride who I also had really liked on the phone, who I was scheduled to meet with a few days later.  I called her immediately to confirm, and see if she was still planning on meeting, and she was - and I told Jess I might not be able to do her wedding.  I was SO sad.

So,  few days later, I met with my other bride and her fiance.  We had coffee at Starbucks, and from the very beginning I could tell the fiance was very uncomfortable.  He didn’t want to answer any questions, and this couple couldn’t have appeared to be farther apart - in every possible way.  I was completely uneasy, and even stopped the dialogue a few times to ask if there was something I was asking that was making him uncomfortable, and he just wouldn’t budge.  Even the bride was getting uncomfortable because of his actions, and I was getting really bizarre vibes the whole situation.

I told them that in order for me to put my personal signature on a wedding ceremony, I must feel comfortable with my clients, and vice-versa.  That in order for me to create a personalized, meaningful ceremony, both parties must feel like they could share their lives with me, so I could get to know them and talk about what makes them so special.  I explained that unless I felt a strong connection between my couples and myself, I just couldn’t do the best job possible, and if I can’t do my best job, I can’t do their wedding.  He told me that he wasn’t comfortable sharing anything, at all, and so I was faced with a choice.  I mean absolutely no disrespect to either this bride or groom - it was a simple decision, and one that I feel I made out of integrity and dedication to honoring the joy that comes from my experiences with my clients.

I immediately got on the phone, in the parking lot at Starbucks after that meeting, and called Jess!  If she would still have me, I would love to be her officiant!  We were both so happy when she said she had been waiting to hear from me and was hoping it had worked out that way!  YAY!

So, the next week, I spoke to Jess’s Mom and Dad, who are the most warm and beautiful couple.  We made our arrangements, and the rest was up to Jess, Pete, and me, to create a beautiful wedding together.  I’m so incredibly happy we all made that choice, so please read on in part II, about the day of Pete & Jess’s magnificent wedding ceremony.  Some things just have a way of being what they were meant to be….

Shortly before Passover, my friend Darren from Levitt-Weinstein called me, to ask me to sing for a Memorial Service for a client.  I thought he was asking me to officiate, but when I spoke with the daughter, she told me she had a friend that was officiating, but that her Mom absolutely loved music, and they wanted someone to play guitar and sing at the Memorial Service.  So, I thought it would still be a good idea to speak with the person officiating, and miraculously, Karen Roebard came crashing into my life.  The minute I first spoke with Karen, we knew we were both traveling a very similar path in life, and had so much in common.  Coming from the Berkley renewal movement, which I am SO interested in, we were similar, but different, yet the combination was magical.

Karen lived in the same building as Bunny, and while she didn’t know her well, she was meant to be in that space, in that way, because nobody could have done a better job than Karen at leading this beautiful memorial.  Bunny’s family wanted nothing to do with a funeral, but only to celebrate Bunny’s life, at the place she loved the most, in a way only Bunny would create - at the beach, with music all around.  And, that’s what we did.

We stood at the deck on the beach just north of Embassy Suites in Deerfield, and everyone shared their memories of Bunny.  In the background, I played soft guitar notes, as everyone shared their thoughts.  But what made this a really amazing experience, was that at the end of the service, her daughters had bought special butterflies to release in her honor.  So suddenly, we were all standing in a circle, and let our butterflies go into the air, and it was a beautiful way to remember Bunny.

People always say “I’m sorry” when I tell them I officiated or sang at a funeral or a memorial service.  I’m not sorry at all.  It is the greatest priviledge to bring comfort to people and their families, at their deepest moments of sadness.  If my presence, my words, or my music can bring healing to a person in need, then I am anything but sorry.  I am deeply honored.

Bunny, I am sure you were an amazing woman, and you left an incredible legacy on this earth.  We know you were with us on that beach deck, and that you are taking care of those beautiful butterflies.  May your memory be for a blessing..

B’Shalom,

Well, with Passover behind me, I can finally breathe a bit, and settle back into writing.  I have been so fortunate to do some great events lately, but Passover was stellar, and I’m so excited to have had the honor to return to Broken Sound for the 2nd year in a row.

Once again, F&B Director Ed Cichelo & the staff at Broken Sound Country Club did an amazing job, and I’m so grateful to Ed for making me a part of this exciting event, and being so gracious to me and my family who joined me on both nights.  The Country Club is absolutely beautiful, and they do such a great job with the room.  First night, I think we were somewhere between 700-800, and it’s an amazing feat just to get food out of a kitchen and on tables, but I watch in amazement at the precise process and amazing training the staff has at making guests feel comfortable.  White gloves and precision placement of plates on a table are the highlight, until you taste the food!  Dinner includes a full half chicken, yummy brisket, 2 types of potato puree, fresh veggies, and that’s just the entree!  You’re really lucky if you can eat half the entree, because by the time it gets there, you’ve eaten whitefish salad, Matzo Ball soup, gefilte fish and salad, and all the matzoh you can eat!  YUM!  But what really makes this unbelievable is the price - Ed, you do an amazing job!

For the Seder, I try to make it as interesting, light hearted, interactive, and understandable for everyone.  I use a really fun Haggadah, and my highlight is the involvement I have with the kids.  Midway through the seder, I bring the kids up and we all sing The Four Questions together.  It is such a precious picture to see little 3 year old brother and sister holding hands together as we sing.  I tell everyone to get ready, because at the end of dinner, we will get back together to find the afikoman.  And sure enough, I have about 30 kids scurrying through a room of 700, searching for the afikoman.  It’s to die for!  Ed gives me a stack of $1 bills, so I can give EVERYONE a gift for searching - but I think it’s funny how the 30 grows to 45 when I’m handing out the dollars! 

Regardless, Passover is about remembering our ancestors, being grateful for our freedom, religious, and personal, and looking forward to a season of renewal.  I kind of feel like we have 2 New Years in the Jewish faith, because I certainly feel renewed and eager to explore new ideas and change for the upcoming year during Passover.  This season, I am grateful for my professional freedom to express my faith and worship as I choose, to find G-d in unexpected places, and to continue my spiritual path of learning and growth.  I have great ideas to put into action for the coming year, and am looking at new ways to interact with people.

I pray that this season of spring, you find your own new ways of self expression, gratitude for what really matters, and breaking the bonds of your own personal slavery.  Freedom is amazing, truly.  What you do with it makes it even more so.

B’Shalom

I am so excited!  Todd, from Soul Solutions Healing Group just emailed me to let me know that my blog and website are going to be featured on their site tomorrow!  I have really become a constant follower of his blog, because every time I drop in, the entry of the day or the week is always so relevant to me, and it gives me so much food for thought!

So, while you are looking around, please feel free to cast your eye in Todd’s direction.  I’m sure you will find lots of interesting nuggets of inspiration to keep you going for a while!

Thanks for the vote of confidence, Todd!