7 years ago, I performed my first wedding.  6 years ago, I performed my first Bat Mitzvah.  Today, I am so proud to announce the official launch of “Shema Koleinu“, our non-profit synagogue-like organization that provides outreach to South Florida’s Jewish and Interfaith/Intercultural unaffiliated community.  After several years of providing quality, meaningful life cycles for families who do not belong to synagogues, I wanted to do more.  I wanted to mean more.  I knew, that in order to truly be “My Personal Cantor”, I must provide everything a true synagogue did, but was committed to eliminating the membership, dues, and business aspect of the synagogue.

It was not only critical to provide meaningful life cycles, it was critical to bring my community a place of belonging, a place they could call their community, and feel great about building. We can create community by action, not by dollars.  We can create community through mitzvah projects and group prayer, and not need to pay electric bills to do it!

But yet, we must build.  Bringing my community an amazing High Holy Day worship experience was my priority this year, and I’m so excited to announce that I have contracted with the Miramar Cultural Center, to bring West Broward its first meaningful, uplifting, and spiritually abundant High Holy Day services for the unaffiliated.  Regardless of your affiliation – or not – you can now worship and honor the new year with us, in a beautiful setting, with meaningful prayer and leadership.  Our services will be family-friendly, so bring your children!  And – we are even offering a tiny tot worship service for both Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

We need the community’s help in building something they can call their own!  For more information, please contact Cantor Debbi Ballard at 954-646-1326.  Watch for our official ticket sales announcement in the next few days, and please – let us know what you can do to help.  This is not MY event – this is YOURS!  Please come and be a part of something – REVOLUTIONARY!  You’ll be so happy you did!

B’Shalom,

This recipe won me big points at my first Seder…

Combine 3 sheets crumbled matzoh with 3 cups melted semisweet chocolate, and 1 cup each dried cherries, slivered almonds, and coconut. Drop by teaspoonsful onto baking sheets lined with waxed paper; refrigerate until firm.

Chocolate Peanut Matzoh

Ingredients:
3 1/2 sheets Matzoh
1/2 cup butter, melted
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 1/2 cups peanut butter chips
peanuts, chopped

Directions:
Arrange sheets of matzoh on a parchment lined baking sheet.

Melt 1/2 cup butter with 1/ cup brown sugar, stirring until sugar is dissolved; cook 5 minutes more.

Spread mixture over matzoh; baked 5 minutes in 350 degree oven.

Remove, Sprinkle with 1 1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate and peanut butter pieces.

Let stand 5 minutes to melt and spread melted mixture over matzoh.

Spinkle with chopped peanuts. Refrigerate until firm.

Break into pieces.

Since I live in downtown Ft. Lauderdale, I am constantly driving by the park on Broward, just east of Andrews, where countless homeless people live.  When I moved here, I began cooking double batches of food, and as I cooked for myself, I would package the 2nd batch, and drop it off as I drove by, with plasticware, in disposable containers.  (recyclable – for sure!) The first time I dropped off my food, I marveled at the impact it had on me.  Driving down Broward, with tears rolling down my face, I felt a new gratitude that I had never felt before.  Not grateful for the big things, but for the small things.  That I had my own food, and water, and knew every day where I was sleeping, and that it would be warm and dry.  It broke my heart that so many others had so much less.

At Purim, we give Shaloach Manot – Food Baskets – for the needy.  With 62 children in my Hebrew School program, I wanted to organize an act of giving. Not an act of giving where we just dropped food off at a truck.  Yeah, that’s good too, but – I wanted my kids to know what homeless people looked like.  I wanted them to see that they were real people, people who might have just lost out on chances, and this is where they ended up, for now.  I explained that sometimes, people choose this life, and while I wanted them to give to someone who had less than them, I did not want them to look at them with pity.  Just look at them as people who have less, and no way to get what we have, and know that you are doing something good when you share it with them.

I organized a food drive.  Asked every family to donate some food for baskets, to organize the baskets, and drive to downtown together, to drop them off.  I told them we probably wouldn’t stay there, just long enough to share – and leave.  Several families asked if I had press coverage.  ”No”, I replied – I didn’t want any.  This wasn’t about me, nor was it about my kids, but it was about simply – giving.  Nobody would know we were coming.  No organizers were there to make sure it all worked out, but something deep down inside told me that the ultimate Organizer, Blessed be He, was going to take care of it all.

I got nervous.  What if our giving caused a riot?  What if we didn’t have enough to go around and something bad happened?  What if my innocent children who I brought to Ft. Lauderdale with their families experienced a good plan gone bad?  Not today.  It wasn’t going to happen.  The Organizer was at work, making sure it was all good.

And so – we met at Dunkin Donuts, in the parking lot.  I was overwhelmed at the number of families who showed up, brought amazing food, and even some extra friends to help out.  Within minutes, my kids and my families put together 42 bags of food, and we kept some as leftovers, because I actually ran out of bags.  (We’re doing this again on April 10th!)  I wanted to take pictures, document the process, but I managed to catch a few quick shots, and they were all ready to go!

We got in our cars, caravaned down 595, and like a parade of cars, pulled in to the spaces that bordered the park.  I jumped out of my car, and was just looking at all the homeless people, and was almost speechless.  I was overcome with emotion, and didn’t even know how to start.  Thankfully, a young man, who was sitting on a blanket came to me.  I explained that I was a teacher, and in these cars behind me were my students and parents.  That we just celebrated Purim, where we were thankful for our abundance, and wanted to show our gratitude by sharing our food with them.  I told them we might not have enough, and asked them please kindly to share and make sure everyone got something.

Suddenly, every person in the park was standing around us – respectfully – eagerly – waiting to see what we were doing there.  They heard my explanation, and I could immediately feel their incredible gratitude for just showing up for them at this moment.  I then invited my kids to get out of their cars, and carry a bag to each person that was standing on the sidewalk, and suddenly, all of the people in the park began thanking my children profusely.  Again – I was overwhelmed.

A nice looking man – actually he was fairly clean cut, and seemed to me to be “recently displaced” spoke up.  He told my kids that they might not realize it, but that it only takes one person’s small act of kindness to change the world.  Maybe not the whole word, but HIS whole world was changed today, and I suspect, so were many others. But you know what’s funny?  I think for the people receiving the food, their day was changed.  But for those of us who brought the food?  That’s whose lives were changed the most.

Can you imagine the feeling of watching one of your precious students, clutching his mother, as he sobbed in her shirt, in despair for the unfortunate people whose day he just brightened?  Well, not only was his world changed today, but mine was changed even more.  To know that I just watched so many of my precious students, and their parents take part in true, direct giving – from their hearts, and from their wallets, was one of the most life changing experiences I have ever had.

I’m so thankful today. Thankful for my wonderful families.  Thankful that for my $63 investment at BJ’s yesterday, I changed many people’s lives.  Thankful that I saw giving as a pleasure, not as a duty.  Thankful that I shared this moment with my students, and hopeful that they will always be inspired to give – more, and more often, to those in need.

We will be doing this again on April 10th, and if my friend Elizabeth has her way, this is going to become a monthly event – because truly – people are starving every day – right here at home.  Not just on Thanksgiving or Yom Kippur, but every day – and because we can – we should make giving a daily event. Thank you to all who shared in today’s Mitzvah.  I am truly grateful for having you in my life.

B’Shalom,

(Article)

Bar Mitzvah Training: It’s not just a job….

The New York Times story about on-line bar mitzvah preparation caught lots of attention (at least for a few minutes).  You should read it if you have not.  It offers a window into some basic problems we face in the American Jewish community today.  First, what do synagogues matter anymore?  It is possible to do everything Jewish without a synagogue.  We often say that the community you find in a synagogue is vital to your Jewish life and not available anywhere else.  Whether or not that’s true, the parents featured in the article don’t seem to care.  And yet, they DO want bar mitzvah ceremonies for their kids.  Or do they?  The other important issue in the article is about the meaning of bar/bat mitzvah?  The final line of the article says it all: “Once Joanne Kapsack had found a rabbi for Eli to work with, she pretty much bowed out of the preparations, she said. “I just cared about the party.”  I am sure this happens equally often in our temple (and others).  I must admit that I have never been a bar mitzvah party naysayer.  I’ve either stayed out of it and treated it as something outside my scope or I have embraced the idea of the parties as part of the mitzvah and part of the community gathering that can occur.  But, nothing has disappointed me more than hearing the post-event assessment from two recent bat mitzvah mothers: it was a let-down.  They whole experience, when it was all said and done, was a let down for these mothers.  What else could it be after all the hype, the buildup, the money and time spent on it?  I have no problem adopting new technology – though I don’t really want an office that looks like the trading floor of a brokerage house.  I have no problem with adopting different standards than previous generations simply accepted in order to become temple members. I also have no problem with completely revolutionizing the way we do Jewish education in general.  But I do have problems with the ongoing march toward deification of bar and bat mitzvah.  Within this trend is not so much innovation as desperation.  We will do anything, it seems, to make our kids and ourselves feel good while we and they wallow in ambivalence about our Judaism.Dear

(My reply)

Rabbi Roos,

I just came across your comment and wanted to share another aspect of this situation that many seem to forget, or are not aware of.

It saddens me, too, to see the rite of passage as nothing but an excuse to show off one’s financial stature. I’m not a nay-sayer either, but whole-heartedly believe that the community celebration should be one of meaning, with the closest of friends and family surrounding the child, and showing love and support.

I am one of those Officiants, who provide unaffiliated lifecycles to my families, however, not for the purpose of fast tracking, eliminating, or for any other motive. These are families who got lost in the synagogue shuffle, and felt that synagogues were busy expecting congregants to meet their own financial needs, rather than vice versa.

In my town of Weston, FL, the Reform synagogue was bursting at its seams 5 years ago. With 700 families, they had one Rabbi with a lifetime contract since day 1, and a Cantorial soloist (not even a Cantor).

B’Nai Mitzvah services were doubled, to two a day, on Saturday morning ONLY, with 2 students in each service.

Many families wanted Havdalah services. Many families wanted smaller, private services to be held in the chapel, without the big pomp and circumstance and showiness of keeping up with those Jones’s. Many wanted their Rabbi (or officiant) to actually know their child’s name, but couldn’t commit to 3-5 days a week at the synagogue because of other commitments and demands on their childrens’ and families’ lives.

So – because the local synagogue couldn’t (or wouldn’t) meet those families’ needs – and because they truly wanted a meaningful, intimate connection to Judaism, and an opportunity to make their Judaism more personal and meaningful, and relevant, they found me.

I am a deeply traditional, spiritual Jew, with a profound belief, and relationship with G-d. I actually teach my students how to pray – how to understand G-d, and make G-d meaningful and relevant. I actually engage my students in learning, and experiencing Judaism, by cooking in their homes at holidays, teaching them how to teach their parents (many who are in Interfaith marriages) and how to initiate a worship-style dialogue at their Friday night Shabbat dinner table.

Please know that not all of us have offices that look like Wall Street. Mine is covered with photos of families I have worked with, pictures of places that my incredible job has taken me to, and is an environment that helps me remember that I am here to serve people, and not the other way around.

Perhaps if synagogues began acting the same way- more families would walk in the doors, rather than out.

With the most profound respect for your thoughts,

Cantor Debbi Ballard

www.mypersonalcantor.com

Many colleagues ask me why I invest so much time in my individual couples. They insist that I can be just as popular, and just as busy, but I don’t need to make my couples a part of my life.

WRONG!!!!

Without a couple like Danielle and Garrett, and without falling in love with some (many) of my couples, my practice would feel empty. Instead, Danielle and Garrett were just like my own family from the minute we met, and I wouldn’t change a thing. They both came to me a year ago, wanting to meet, and explore the possibility of my co-officiating a ceremony for them, as D was Jewish, and G was not. They were both raised traditionally, but wanted an equal yet meaningful blend of who they both were as individuals, yet reflecting their harmonious union together. We sat at Starbucks for almost 2 hours (yes, a little longer than the typical initial meeting) and when we left, there was so much love in the air. Danielle called me later to let me know that Garrett specifically wanted ME to do the wedding, absent of a co-officiant. Rarely is it the groom who displays such emotional preference, but Garrett had a way of opening up to me in that meeting, that preserved a very special place in my heart for him – forever. Through the year, Danielle and I became fast facebook friends, engaging in early morning and late night chat, and sometimes, some personal opportunities to vent, and for me to be a sounding board for her, and even some of her family members. After all, this was an Interfaith wedding, and each of them had family members with strong preferences and religiously traditional ideas, and at times, Danielle and Garrett had to make some unpopular decisions about their ceremony, that didn’t please all of the important people in their lives. Together, we worked through it all. Danielle came to my home for coffee one day, to work on choosing a Ketubah, which she purchased from MPArtworks. It was beautiful. She made me such an important part of every decision, and with every twist, turn, and contest that Danielle entered (AND WON!), we built a relationship that would last forever.

We signed the ketubah prior to the ceremony

Now, working with Danielle, it’s impossible not to get her – without the rest of the family, and of course – her very special Dad, Jules. Once D and I became facebook friends, I was instantly friends with her Mom, her Dad, and about 100 cousins. (ok – I’m exaggerating) Her dad, Jules, one of the most incredibly fun and sweet Dads I have ever met, included me in some facebook banter, and the rest was history. The year continued, with anticipation of meeting – and celebrating with everyone, and FINALLY – the night arrived – 10/10/10.

Jules, and his awesome smile!

A special date, a special couple, and a special family – I knew this was going to be a wedding to remember. Danielle could not have planned it better. She and Garrett were married at the Boca Marriott, a venue I could not recommend more highly. They were phenomenal, very accommodating, and everything was perfect. They were married at the fountain outside, and they had a platform built on top of the front third of the fountain, so we were elevated, yet the fountains ran behind us.

Side view of the chuppa with the harpist

I can’t even tell you how beautiful their chuppah was, courtesy of Dalsimer Florists. Yes, these people are the best in the trade, and when you want over the top beautiful flowers – that’s where you go.

The detail of the chuppah was amazing!

They had a harpist for ceremony music, who I have played with before, and she is lovely.  We incorporated so many beautiful traditions, the ketubah, chuppah, sand ceremony and more.  We incorporated the 7 Blessings (Sheva Brachot) with a modern day interpretation on the English.  Instead of circling, I wrapped my tallit around their shoulders, to create a protective circle around them.  It was beautiful.

Unity Sand Ceremony

They performed the biblical ring exchange, on to the right finger, moving each ring over to their own left ring finger, which I think adds so much dimension to the ceremony.  Overall, it was meaningful, uplifting, and just a tiny bit humorous, as Garrett kept throwing some humorous anecdotes in as I was talking and the 3 of us were giggling like crazy!

Jewish Ring Exchange

On the party!  Their DJ – Shamar Reyes, was amazing, he kept that party going, had everyone out on the dance floor (yes, me included), and played such fun music – you couldn’t help but want to dance! (And that, we did!)  Everything was so perfect, and we really had so much fun! Funny note: D wanted a photo booth SO bad. Dad, Jules, wanted nothing to do with it. D entered ANOTHER contest – and yes – SHE WON. Dad, Jules, still wanted nothing to do with it. IT WAS AWESOME! (Ask Dad Jules about the photo booth – he ended up loving it!) Just ask Lindsay with www.photoboothsocial.com how much fun he had at the party! Danielle’s friend, Jonathan Nimerfroh was hired to do photos, and he did an amazing job. (I could not be writing this blog entry without his generous supply of beautiful photos!)  We got a sneak peek just a few days after the wedding, and couldn’t wait to see the rest. D’s dress was designed by David Tutera, also a personal friend, and she looked like a princess. Danielle had her rehearsal dinner at Maggiano’s, in Boca, and after the wedding, we all made our way over to Rocco’s Tacos, ANOTHER personal friend of the family, who opened the bar for the after party, and for those of you who know what you do at Rocco’s – the tequila was flowing to say the least! (This family has GREAT friends!)

Rocco on the Tequila Bar - check out those shoes!

Garrett's Mom - contemplating Tequila!

Yes, I attended all of the events of the weekend. A little unusual, as time rarely permits, but again, this was special. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to describe my relationship with Danielle and Garrett, but I just know it is one that will last forever. They bring a very special brightness to my life, and they made me want to own the responsibility of giving them more than they could have hoped for, for their wedding ceremony. Without couples like this, I might be happy with just being good at what I do. Danielle and Garrett made me want to go beyond that. That’s why I do what I do. D & G – I love you both! I couldn’t have been happier to be such an important part of your special day! I know we will be part of each other’s lives for a very long time FOREVER!